Posts Tagged ‘life’

Today would be Keegan’s “fake birthday” as he used to call it. He’s my Leap Day Baby, so there’s not a “real birthday” this year.  Since he only had those every 4 years, on the off years, he swore that his birthday was on both February 28th and March 1st.  Ok … he had that sort of personality … so I’ll go with it.  He had a particular love for Dr. Demento songs.  So while I don’t think this is included in any of the Dr. Demento collections and I know that he never heard it since he’d died before it came out, every time I hear it, I know he’d have laughed uproariously at it … and loved it.  So … my Leap Day baby boy … I dedicate the song “Banana Man” by Tally Hall to you.

I challenge you to find it on YouTube. It makes me laugh every single solitary time I hear it.

I miss you, baby boy!

Keegan Crowley Wahler

2.29.1984 to 5.30.2001



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I don’t know who originally wrote this or I’d give credit where credit is due.  It was anonymous when I received it as an email forward from a friend.  I generally don’t use email forwards but this is not only telling of current societal and cultural issues but also sad and unfortunately right on the mark for many that are your basic salt-of-the-earth citizens.




I used to think I was just a regular guy, but …..

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am older than 60, which makes me a bit less than I used to be.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

Recently, a sick old woman called me and my friends “a basket of deplorables”.

I need to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, newfound challenges in my life and my thinking!

I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

Funny . . . it’s all just taken place over the last 8 years!

And if all this crap wasn’t enough to deal with, I’m now afraid to go into either restroom!


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It doesn’t matter how old someone is or how long a true “daddy” has been dead.  Today would be my father’s birthday.  I still miss him and I always will. 

I was an awkward gangly smart-mouthed little girl.  I was tall (actually … lol … I still am), skinny, red haired, fair skinned, and freckled.  I have worn glasses or contacts since I was 7 years old.  I was too smart for my own good and didn’t fit in with any particular crowd.  He always encouraged me to be who I was at my core and loved the fire in my soul.  Most definitely not everyone liked it, and it frustrated and angered him at times, but he never wanted to squelch it.  He celebrated me.  This is how he would have described me …

Nevertheless my daddy always made me feel beautiful … even when my sharp tongue got the better of me. 

I know I am incredibly blessed to have had a daddy like him.   Not everyone is so fortunate and I am sorry for that.  He taught me to be a strong lady that could handle and withstand anything life threw at me. 

Daddy, I miss you.  I always will.  Go fishing 🎣 with Grandpa and Keegan up in heaven today to celebrate 🎉 your birthday 🎂.  


Glenn B Crowley


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While we may have only been married for 9 years now, it has certainly been an interesting road we’ve been on with twists, turns, dips, and climbs.



*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*


Today I took a walk up the street

And picked a flower and climbed the hill above the lake,

And secret thoughts were said aloud.

We watched the faces in the clouds

Until the clouds had blown away.

Were we ever somewhere else?

You know it’s hard to say.

I never saw blue like that before …


Shawn Colvin




There is absolutely no one else with whom I’d rather be on my current life path than you.


Happy Anniversary, Roy!


I love you!

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There are those people in each person’s life that seem to be almost indestructible.   They endure and come out of all sorts of things and always land on their feet.  I have been blessed with long-time family friends … people that were friends of my parents before my sister and I were born … before their children were born … that were like an aunt, uncle, and cousins to me … people that we’ve been through highs and lows with and still are friends … and our children are friends.


I’ll back up.  My parents got married in 1949.  I believe it was a year or two after that they had gone on vacation and had met a couple to whom they took an immediate liking.   This couple they later found out was on their honeymoon when they met.  It was a constant source of a joke back and forth between them from then on.   The friendship stuck and they began a lifelong journey together.  My father and the other gentleman had both fought in World War 2 and had seen various things in battle so they had an immediate bond that comes from that “brother” relationship that military men (and women) all share.  While my father had served in the North Atlantic, the other man had served in the Pacific … and had stories of being shot down over the Pacific and having been the only survivor.  He was a true hero who had floated in the ocean for hours before being rescued.  His wife was a middle school math teacher who terrified me and who I wanted to be around all at the same time and who probably operated her classroom as a drill sergeant might, but she had a heart of gold.  She is the one that taught me how to bake my own bread (something I dearly love to do) and how to make pie crust that people still rave over.  My parents both graduated from the University of Southern California (USC).  The other couple had graduated from the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA).  For those readers that don’t know, there is a deep-seated rivalry between those schools.   There was a friendly teasing back and forth between them over which school was better.  Whenever there was a sports game between them, there would be all sorts of jokes.  It was something I enjoyed hearing.


My sister is the oldest of the children born to these two couples (1952).  Their daughter was the next (1953).  Their son and I were born the same year (1954).  Yes, I am that old.  Get over it.  😏


Growing up, I remember the card games and dinner parties they had.  They visited us around the country when we moved around.   We visited them.  We’d show up and surprise them.  We’d plan trips over Thanksgiving weekend to all enjoy together.  We played charades (drunken charades, by the way, was by far the most fun), play cards, and play in the snow.  We’d talk, fight, laugh, and enjoy ourselves like family does.  We’ve been through relocations, financial set-backs as well as financial upswings, marriages, divorces, deaths, remarriages, illnesses, joys, sorrows, and accepted all of each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Essentially … we’ve handled life in general together with all of the normal day-to-day ups-and-downs while continuing to love one another.  


My father was the first to die in 1992.  My 2nd son died in 2001. Their daughter died in 2008.  Their mother died in 2013.   Their father died roughly a week ago (2016).  On our side, my mother is thankfully still with us … as are my sister and me (obviously).  On their side, their son is still strong and healthy.  Now, grandchildren and great-grandchildren have entered into the fray.   Through all of this, we are all still hanging in together … my mother, the remaining children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.


It’s something hard to fathom … all of this from a chance meeting in the late 1940s/early 1950s of two couples that were thankful they’d survived World War 2 and had found people with whom they enjoyed spending time.   It’s hard to get used to these pillars in my life being gone.  These are those indestructible adults I grew up with throughout my childhood … that yelled at me, laughed with me, taught me, listened to me, loved me, and nurtured me … no matter what dumb thing I had done or how smart-assy I was.   They were proud of my accomplishments and there to pick me up in my failures.   So many of these wonderful people are fading away.  

Cherish those that are still in your lives.


Life is fleeting.

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You’ve got to be kidding me.


This afternoon I exited one of the back doors at the building where I work … a California State Government building to be precise … in Sacramento … on Capitol Mall … right next to one of the loading docks.  A co-worker was standing on the truck loading ramp and backing right up into me. 

“Oh!  Sorry!   I’m catching a Pokemon.”

He didn’t budge.

“I need to catch this guy.”

Are you FREEKING kidding me?  I had to push past and slide around him against the wall so I could run to catch the Commuter Bus that was getting ready to pull away, yelling for it to wait.  At least another rider heard me and held the bus.

People!  Get a life away from staring at an electronic device every waking minute. 


That is all.  Carry on, everyone.  Go out and ENJOY life.

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My middle child was born on February 29, 1984 (yes, Leap Day).  I know I’ve stated that in prior blogposts, but this year it’s particularly of import to me anyway, because he’d actually have a “real” birthday.  He was one of the select few with that special day as his birthday.  I remember it well also.  He was born by emergency C-section, but he was a beautiful full-term baby.  We didn’t know what awaited us though with his health.  As I’ve stated before, he died on May 30, 2001 from complications of Cystic Fibrosis (CF) a year after a successful double lung transplant at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA.  The fact that he had CF was a 1 in 4 chance for each child his father and I conceived.  We didn’t know that we carried that gene at the time, because it couldn’t be tested in advance then and it had never appeared in our family.  However, our beautiful 1 in 4 child was born on a day that happens only every 1 in 4 years.  Anyway, he had Cystic Fibrosis, something children that can’t pronounce it have called “65 Roses” over the years.



February 2001






65 Roses

The Wolverines

When I was just a small child, mama and daddy came to me.

They sat me down and told me of the flowers my sister received,

65 roses in yellow and red, made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I just couldn’t believe the flowers my sister received

Made it so hard for her to breathe.

Why does she have 65 roses,

Must be her birthday today?

She must have been good to get 65 roses!

Why can’t she come out to play?

65 roses of yellow and red made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I looked all around, but I couldn’t find

The 65 roses were on my mind.

When I’d grown up, I see that the only one thinking of roses was me,

And the reason that the 65 roses came

Was because I was too young to understand the name.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish that she could come out to play.

Life, one supposes, is no bed of roses.

I wish she had roses instead.

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses.

Cystic Fibrosis.






August 1993






This post isn’t about all of that though.  I had to mention it however, because I found the song so amazing.  Also, Cystic Fibrosis (65 roses) was part of his life.

This post, however, is mainly about how he lived his life, albeit a short one.  He experienced more and touched more than most people do by the time they die at 80, 90, or 100 years of age.  He endured more pain than most anyone I know, but he enjoyed life to the absolute fullest.  He used to tell me that he didn’t want people to forget him and that he didn’t want them to think he just existed in life but that he truly lived life.  He absolutely abhorred the term “passed away” when referring to someone that has died.

“Mom!  That’s so demeaning.  It doesn’t even sound like they really lived.  They merely existed in life, and then they passed away and through.  Maybe some people live life that way, but when I’m gone, I want people to remember that I lived and that I then died.  I didn’t just exist.  I LIVED!”

This is why this song by OneRepublic is so appropriate to dedicate to him, not only because they have it dedicated to a fan of theirs that has Cystic Fibrosis, but also because, in his own words …





Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall.

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name.

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay.

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad.

The only way you can know is give it all you have,

And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain.

Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up,

And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup!

Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain,

But until my moment comes, I’ll say:

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Oh with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

With every broken bone, I swear …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived life!

Oh I swear I lived!








February 2001






Ask his friends how he lived.  He lived it to the fullest.  Even at a camp held especially for transplant patients, he was all into the camp … and ended up with a broken bone in his ankle … but he lived … and he did it all.  He endured broken bones and a broken heart.  He experienced travelling to visit new places.  He never feared failing.  He owned every single solitary second that his God gave him, be it good or bad.  For that, he will forever be a role model and a hero to me.  If I could just be half as brave and daring as he was, I’ll know that I did life proud.

So on what would be his 8th “real birthday” … or the 32nd year since he was born … I’ll also offer this from one of Celine Dion’s hits … one of the ones that make me remember him so dearly, as he had said once that this made him think of me, how I worked to get the health care he deserved, and how he wanted to dedicate it to me.  That made me cry, because, in my mind, it better describes what he and both of his siblings did (and continue to do) for me.  I am now who I am … because all 3 of my children loved me.



Because You Loved Me

​​​​-as written by Diane Warren

​​​​-as sung by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me,

For all the truth that you made me see,

For all the joy you brought to my life,

For all the wrong that you made right,

For every dream you made come true,

For all the love I found in you,

I’ll be forever thankful, baby.

You’re the one who held me up,

Never let me fall.

You’re the one who saw me through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me,

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach.

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly.

You touched my hand. I could touch the sky.

I lost my faith. You gave it back to me.

You said no star was out of reach.

You stood by me and I stood tall.

I had your love.

I had it all.

I’m grateful for each day you gave me.

Maybe I don’t know that much,

But I know this much is true:

I was blessed, because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me,

The tender wind that carried me,

A light in the dark, shining your love into my life.

You’ve been my inspiration.

Through the lies, you were the truth.

My world is a better place because of you.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach,

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.






Happy birthday, Keegan!  I love you forever and always!





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