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Posts Tagged ‘Keegan’

This time of year is always tough. Keegan was due on Valentine’s Day. He was born on Leap Day (yes, really Leap Day), which fit his personality *so* much better. This year he gets a *real* birthday. It is bittersweet.

“Mid-February shouldn’t be so scary. … I think of you and I’m not afraid. Your favorite records make me feel better because you’d sing along … but you went away. How dare you? I miss you. They say I’ll be ok but I’m not gonna ever get over you.” Miranda Lambert

(I love you, Keegan. What would’ve been your 36th … or is it your 9th … birthday is coming up this month.)

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18 years ago today at 5:47 am

I miss you, Keegan. You’re forever 17.

❤️❤️❤️

#keegan #cysticfibrosis #cf #lungtransplant #brokenheart #love #imissyou #forever17

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Happy sort of Leap Day Birthday, Baby Boy!

I miss you, Keegan … every second of every day.

🎈🎂 🍦🍨🧁 🎁 🍰 🎊 🎉

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I know I don’t write as often as some do, but I write when it is good for me or when I need to get something out as it can be very cathartic. At least that’s the purpose of my blog … to help me and to hopefully help someone else who runs into the same types of issues.

With my children, I’ve had highs and lows, great successes and great losses. Sometimes certain occasions and occurrences can evoke those up-and-down feelings in me. Right now is one of those times.

Roy (Papa) and I (Oma) had the great joy of being blessed with our first grandchild (Harrison) on 12.21.18. It’s a humbling feeling, quite honestly to view the next generation.

I have a true sense of joy from this, but I cannot help but wish that my late son, Keegan, could be there as his baby sister, Kara, becomes a first-time mama to Harrison. I can’t help but cry over the loss of a beloved uncle that would have loved this baby boy to pieces, spoiled him rotten, and taken him on crazy adventures.

I know that I am truly blessed … and my heart is overflowing … as are my emotions. Harrison and Keegan are loved beyond words, and this Oma/Mama is honored to be a part of their lives.

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17 years

Amazing …

It’s been 17 long yet short years that my then 17 year old middle child died at dawn on May 30. He has been gone as long as he was alive.

People have come and gone, yet he lives on in the hearts, minds, and souls of many.

I will forever and always miss him. My heart will ache for 17 years times 17 years times infinity.

Keegan, your spirit lives on.

17 years

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Today would be Keegan’s “fake birthday” as he used to call it. He’s my Leap Day Baby, so there’s not a “real birthday” this year.  Since he only had those every 4 years, on the off years, he swore that his birthday was on both February 28th and March 1st.  Ok … he had that sort of personality … so I’ll go with it.  He had a particular love for Dr. Demento songs.  So while I don’t think this is included in any of the Dr. Demento collections and I know that he never heard it since he’d died before it came out, every time I hear it, I know he’d have laughed uproariously at it … and loved it.  So … my Leap Day baby boy … I dedicate the song “Banana Man” by Tally Hall to you.

I challenge you to find it on YouTube. It makes me laugh every single solitary time I hear it.

I miss you, baby boy!

Keegan Crowley Wahler

2.29.1984 to 5.30.2001

WTF

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Yesterday was the 16th anniversary of Keegan’s death.  While it’s not something I choose to celebrate, it’s something that’s hard not to acknowledge because it’s woven into the very fabric of my being.   If you can’t understand completely … be thankful … but at least be compassionate to those of us that live it 24/7 forever and always.  All 3 of my children are part of me, whether currently on this earth or not.  The love will be there no matter where they are or what they say and do.

https://abedformyheart.com/7-things-since-loss-of-child/

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When he was 16 years old, he received a double lung transplant at Stanford University Hospital.  Then, 16 years ago today, at the ripe old age of merely 17, at 547 am, he died.  

Keegan, forever and always, I will miss my #2 child … 

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I thank God for allowing me to be blessed with three amazing children I gave birth to and one equally as amazing son-in-law.  I am not sure who has learned more from the experience of being there as you all have moved through life, me or you, but I’m blessed to be considered your mother/mother-in-law.  Even with 3 of you now as adults and 1 of you waiting in heaven for me, you are all miracles in your own right. 

Happy Mama’s Day from your Mama!  I love you all more than words can express.  💕 

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Those of you that have read my blogposts throughout the past several years know that I write about a variety of topics.   I couldn’t limit myself to one thing if I tried.  I have entirely too many interests and ideas as well as a multitude of life experiences, being the age that I am.   

One of my common topics, however, is my children.  All of them are among the most important things in my life and have all made me the person I am today.  Through all of the ups-and-downs, all three of them have made an amazing impact on me. 

My middle child, Keegan, died when he was 17 years old, one year post double lung transplant.  He had an amazing old soul and touched more people in his short 17-year life than most people do in 80 or 90 years.   All of this I have discussed previously.  However, this morning, shortly after I arrived at work, it again became apparent how much impact he had.  I received a message from one of his high school buddies.   I can flat out say … I UGLY cried … which sounds terrible but it was a “truly-touched-my-soul-to-the-core cry” … and once again convinced me of what a truly remarkable being Keegan is/was.

 
Anyway, shortly after I arrived at work, I noticed a private message that had been sent to me via social media.  I checked and noted it was from a good friend that was one of Keegan’s really good buddies throughout school.  Her name is Ann and she has her own blog at:

 http://lostandfarm.wordpress.com 

 
Check her out. She is a wonderful friend, wife, and mother with a wealth of wisdom to share.

 
Anyway, I received the following message from her this morning:


 

 

 
 She then proceeded to state the following: “I don’t know if you remember Colleen ____ (she’s Colleen Houser now) but she asked if I know how to reach Keegan’s family still because she wanted to let them know that Keegan touched a lot of lives and will never be forgotten.  I told her I would pass the message on.”

 
I responded with: “You are more than welcome to give her my email and have her contact me through Facebook.  I’m sitting here sobbing at work.   He died the end of May.”

 
This is what I received in return from Ann: 
 

“I’m sure she’d love that. … she basically grew up with us and we all went to high school together. 🙂  She was often in on our shenanigans with Keegan.   LOL!  These are her books, by the way.”

 
There was more, but I’ll leave it at that.  Colleen contacted me through Facebook.   I remember her as part of the crowd that all were silly together in high school with Keegan and who he counted as friends.  I encourage you to go to her Amazon website and check her out.  It’ll be well worth it.  Her Amazon.com author page is:

 
https://www.amazon.com/Colleen-Houser/e/B00C5RHY00/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1491593348&sr=1-2-ent 
 

I’ll end with this.

 

Even if your life is short, go out and do something big.  Affect the lives of those around you, however you can.   Uplift.  Share.  Enjoy.  Put yourself out there.  Don’t live small.  Live large and you will make a difference.

Carry on, all. 

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