Posts Tagged ‘individuality’



My middle child was born on February 29, 1984 (yes, Leap Day).  I know I’ve stated that in prior blogposts, but this year it’s particularly of import to me anyway, because he’d actually have a “real” birthday.  He was one of the select few with that special day as his birthday.  I remember it well also.  He was born by emergency C-section, but he was a beautiful full-term baby.  We didn’t know what awaited us though with his health.  As I’ve stated before, he died on May 30, 2001 from complications of Cystic Fibrosis (CF) a year after a successful double lung transplant at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA.  The fact that he had CF was a 1 in 4 chance for each child his father and I conceived.  We didn’t know that we carried that gene at the time, because it couldn’t be tested in advance then and it had never appeared in our family.  However, our beautiful 1 in 4 child was born on a day that happens only every 1 in 4 years.  Anyway, he had Cystic Fibrosis, something children that can’t pronounce it have called “65 Roses” over the years.



February 2001






65 Roses

The Wolverines

When I was just a small child, mama and daddy came to me.

They sat me down and told me of the flowers my sister received,

65 roses in yellow and red, made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I just couldn’t believe the flowers my sister received

Made it so hard for her to breathe.

Why does she have 65 roses,

Must be her birthday today?

She must have been good to get 65 roses!

Why can’t she come out to play?

65 roses of yellow and red made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I looked all around, but I couldn’t find

The 65 roses were on my mind.

When I’d grown up, I see that the only one thinking of roses was me,

And the reason that the 65 roses came

Was because I was too young to understand the name.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish that she could come out to play.

Life, one supposes, is no bed of roses.

I wish she had roses instead.

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses.

Cystic Fibrosis.






August 1993






This post isn’t about all of that though.  I had to mention it however, because I found the song so amazing.  Also, Cystic Fibrosis (65 roses) was part of his life.

This post, however, is mainly about how he lived his life, albeit a short one.  He experienced more and touched more than most people do by the time they die at 80, 90, or 100 years of age.  He endured more pain than most anyone I know, but he enjoyed life to the absolute fullest.  He used to tell me that he didn’t want people to forget him and that he didn’t want them to think he just existed in life but that he truly lived life.  He absolutely abhorred the term “passed away” when referring to someone that has died.

“Mom!  That’s so demeaning.  It doesn’t even sound like they really lived.  They merely existed in life, and then they passed away and through.  Maybe some people live life that way, but when I’m gone, I want people to remember that I lived and that I then died.  I didn’t just exist.  I LIVED!”

This is why this song by OneRepublic is so appropriate to dedicate to him, not only because they have it dedicated to a fan of theirs that has Cystic Fibrosis, but also because, in his own words …





Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall.

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name.

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay.

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad.

The only way you can know is give it all you have,

And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain.

Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up,

And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup!

Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain,

But until my moment comes, I’ll say:

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Oh with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

With every broken bone, I swear …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived life!

Oh I swear I lived!








February 2001






Ask his friends how he lived.  He lived it to the fullest.  Even at a camp held especially for transplant patients, he was all into the camp … and ended up with a broken bone in his ankle … but he lived … and he did it all.  He endured broken bones and a broken heart.  He experienced travelling to visit new places.  He never feared failing.  He owned every single solitary second that his God gave him, be it good or bad.  For that, he will forever be a role model and a hero to me.  If I could just be half as brave and daring as he was, I’ll know that I did life proud.

So on what would be his 8th “real birthday” … or the 32nd year since he was born … I’ll also offer this from one of Celine Dion’s hits … one of the ones that make me remember him so dearly, as he had said once that this made him think of me, how I worked to get the health care he deserved, and how he wanted to dedicate it to me.  That made me cry, because, in my mind, it better describes what he and both of his siblings did (and continue to do) for me.  I am now who I am … because all 3 of my children loved me.



Because You Loved Me

​​​​-as written by Diane Warren

​​​​-as sung by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me,

For all the truth that you made me see,

For all the joy you brought to my life,

For all the wrong that you made right,

For every dream you made come true,

For all the love I found in you,

I’ll be forever thankful, baby.

You’re the one who held me up,

Never let me fall.

You’re the one who saw me through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me,

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach.

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly.

You touched my hand. I could touch the sky.

I lost my faith. You gave it back to me.

You said no star was out of reach.

You stood by me and I stood tall.

I had your love.

I had it all.

I’m grateful for each day you gave me.

Maybe I don’t know that much,

But I know this much is true:

I was blessed, because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me,

The tender wind that carried me,

A light in the dark, shining your love into my life.

You’ve been my inspiration.

Through the lies, you were the truth.

My world is a better place because of you.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach,

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.






Happy birthday, Keegan!  I love you forever and always!





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… they said while smiling sweetly …










Carry on!







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The once Great State of California, for whom I currently work, is truly on the brink of disaster.  It is overly taxed and overly regulated and not friendly to business or to entrepreneurs.  Is it any wonder so many people are now moving out of the once Golden State?  I am a 3rd generation California Girl … and I am truly ashamed of how it has turned into a welfare state.  It’s embarrassing as a citizen of this state and as an employee of this state.  People moved here for freedom and the chance of entrepreneurship.  It is being destroyed by regulation-happy liberals.  If this state is not to go to the same fate as the City of Detroit, people must stand up and do something rather than sit idly by.  My ancestors who gave so much to move here would be appalled by the “gimme gimme gimme” attitude of so many of the people living here now.  Oh, heck, Roy and I are appalled by the “gimme gimme gimme” mentality of today.

What ever happened to good old fashioned hard work and personal responsibility rather than depending on handouts?

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religion & politics



“… I’m just one of many who can’t get no respect.

Politically *un*correct!

Guess my opinion is all outta style.

Awww, but don’t get me started, cuz I can get riled,

… & I’ll make a fight for the forefathers’ plans.

That’s right,

… & the world already knows where I stand,

… & I’m for the Bible,

… & I’m for the flag,

… & I’m for the workin’ man, me, and old Hag.

I’m just one of many who can’t get no respect.

Politically *un*correct!

Nuthin wrong with the Bible!

Nuthin wrong with the flag!

Nuthin wrong with the workin’ man, me, & old Hag!

We’re just some of many who can’t get no respect.


Politically *un*correct!

Politically *un*correct!”

Merle Haggard and Gretchen Wilson






What more is there to add?

It’s true … and even the PC fanatics and sheeple of this world that are hell-bent on taking our right to our beliefs away from us and that are against those of us that stand by our principles know that respect is something in short supply for us in today’s society.


Guess what?

Roy and I are still proud to be polically “un”correct.

We’ll be proud of that as long as we live.





Carry on, all.






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 “She gets hungry for dinner at 8.  She loves the theatre, doesn’t come late.  She’d never bother with anyone she’d hate.  That’s why the lady is a tramp …  will not dish the dirt with the rest of those girls.  That’s why this chick is a tramp.  She loves the free cool wind in her hair, life without care.  She’s broke, but it’s oke.  Doesn’t like California, it’s cold and it’s damp.  That’s why the lady is a tramp.  She gets far too hungry, baby, to wait there for dinner at 8.  She adores the theatre, however doesn’t get there late.  She’d never bother with someone she’d hate.  That is why the lady is a tramp.” 

‘THE LADY IS A TRAMP’; Frank Sinatra



i'm different



No one has ever understood me, as I’ve said before.  I come from a long line of people who the sheeple of this world don’t understand.  That’s ok with me.  I’m happy with who I am and I do ok in life (generally at least).  I may get knocked down but I always come back up, swinging.  Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will ever keep me down for long.

In any event, I have always had family and friends that laugh at me because I’m different and I march to my own beat.  That’s ok.  I also know that I fascinate them all with how I carry on.  That’s ok too.  All I care about is if my husband, my children, and my mother/father love me and care for me.  They do.  They may not always understand me … but they love me for who and what I am.



“… My friend, I’ll say it clear.  I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.  I’ve lived a life that’s full.  I traveled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way!  Regrets?  I’ve had a few but, then again, too few to mention.  I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption.  I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way.  Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew, but, through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out.  I faced it all, and I stood tall and did it my way.  I’ve loved.  I’ve laughed and cried.  I’ve had my fill, my share of losing, and now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.  To think I did all that, and may I say, not in a shy way!  Oh, no!  Oh, no, not me!  I did it my way.  For what is a man?  What has he got, if not himself, then he has naught, to say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels?  The record shows I took the blows and did it my way.  Yes, it was my way.”




I think I’ve done ok with my life.  I am a Baby Boomer that was raised a suburban kid.  I went through college.  I got a good degree.  I stopped working to raise my children.  Two out of my three wonderful children had disabilities.  One of them has died.  I’ve been through divorce, major medical issues of my own, financial upheaval, remarriage, relocation, unemployment, and job searches.  However, I have ended up with a pretty darn good job (since I must have a job right now, although I’d sooner not work than have to work, but that’s a different topic altogether) on Capitol Mall in Sacramento, 2 blocks from the State Capitol Building, in a very politically charged arena, and am being promoted quickly up that ladder.  Roy and I have a thriving online marketing business and a mobile disc jockey business.  We live in a terrific rural area, well outside of suburbia and city-life, which is definitely our preference.  Roy has a good new job.  After many years of instability financially, we came out as united as ever, swinging and fighting our way out.  We have, as we both always do, landed on all 4’s.  (Yes, that’s a mixed metaphor and I don’t care.)



“… & everything’s starting to hum. Still it’s a real good bet the best is yet to come.  The best is yet to come, and, babe, won’t that be fine?  You think you’ve seen the sun but you ain’t seen it shine. Wait till the warm up’s under way … and wait till you see that sun shine day.  You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!  The best is yet to come, and, babe, won’t it be fine?  The best is yet to come!”




Today is my birthday and I love having birthdays … because they are by far better than the alternative of not being here to have one.  I am cut from a different cloth than most people and celebrate my uniqueness … and I’m glad to be married to someone who saw that in me and celebrates the fact that his wife is unique and different too.  As Roy has told me, that’s much of what attracted him to me … and part of why he married me … because he knew he was the same and that way we’d understand each other’s quirkiness.  I continue to do it “my way” and plan on doing it “my way” for some time to come.

Now, admittedly, at times Roy (or those that love me) may get frustrated by the fact that I am not normal, but I can’t and won’t change … and they wouldn’t really want me to do so.  At least someone who truly loves you wouldn’t want you to change.

While I’m not by any definition of the word “young” any longer, my spirit is … and my personality is … and I will live to enjoy my life as long as I can.  Using my love of good wines … my life is like vintage wine, all the way from the brim to the dregs!  I’m still living it to the fullest no matter what happens and no matter how old I am.



“When I was 17, it was a very good year. … When I was 21, it was a very good year. … When I was 35, it was a very good year.  … but now the days are short, I’m in the autumn of the year, and now I think of my life as vintage wine from fine old kegs, from the brim to the dregs, it pours sweet and clear. It was (and is) a very good year.”  




So …

… with that …















There may be only a few of us “mavericks” around … but Roy (and my daughter) in particular knows this would fit me better than a lot of people who think they know me realize.



boots and dirt

Roy figured out that this is the way I am …

… and married me anyway …

… and loves me anyway …

… whether I’m in my cowboy boots …

…or …

… on my mountain bike …

… but …

… I do love my boots!!!



“Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots, and ruined your black tie affair.  The last one to know, the last one to show, I was the last one you thought you’d see there  …   Well, I guess I was wrong.  I just don’t belong, but then, I’ve been there before.  Everything’s all right.  I’ll just say, ‘Good Night!’, and I’ll show myself to the door. Hey, I didn’t mean to cause a big scene  …  Yeah, I’m not big on social graces, think I’ll slip on down to the Oasis, cuz I’ve got friends in low places …”




While I may have been born into a fairly comfortable life up-front, things haven’t always gone “easy” for me, and I fought my way through.  Besides, as I’ve discussed before … I never fit the mold of “California Girl” or “suburbia” (more like “suburgatory” in my eyes) or “high-class” or “Beverly Hills” or “Hollywood” or however you want to classify any part of me being born in California in the middle of the Baby Boom generation.  I am more in line with people like many of my ancestors  …  7 brothers thrown out of Ireland in the 1600’s and sent to the New World  …  a young German boy who stowed away on a ship in the 1700’s and came to America on his own, never looking back  …  the upper-crust that chose to move to California in the early 1900’s in search of entrepreneurship and a less stifling life  …  a divorced Dust Bowl woman who moved to California with 2 young children  …  Rob Roy  …  or so many more than are listed.



“I wish they all could be California girls …”




I may have been born a suburban Baby Boomer kid raised mostly in California (but not completely … read prior blogs) listening to rock-n-roll music and raised fairly comfortably, but you can’t even classify me by the music I like.  I like Big Band.  I like Classical.  I like Rock.  I like Country.  I like a variety of other things.  I’ll credit my mommy and my daddy for giving me a wide foundation in music.  (I just don’t like rap.)  Don’t try to classify me.  It won’t work.  Probably the closest is this:



“I am a red, white, and blue blood graduate of Honkytonk U.  That’s right – a red, white, and blue blood graduate of Honkytonk U.” 

Toby Keith



No … I’m not politically correct.

… never have been … never will be …



Pay close attention here …








… getting ready to go ziplining in Kauai with Roy …



Hey, Roy, it’s time for me to put on my boots!

Let’s go out to dinner tonight and celebrate my birthday in STYLE!

I’ll try not to get dirty or muddy … but I won’t guarantee anything … ever … 






Carry on, all!







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In keeping with my post of yesterday about 75 pounds being gone …

… and my current age …

… and naysayers and crab-pot dwellers denigrating me …

… let me just offer these words of “wisdom”.


(Keep on reading below.)




How I see myself …

… versus how others may see me …

… will result in a completely different picture of reality …

… but it doesn’t really matter …

… because how I view myself is …



How You See Yourself


How I see myself is all that I care about.

Additionally, if Roy loves me … if my children love me … if my family and friends love me … what more could I want or need?

Remember:  when someone that you don’t care about or that doesn’t really care about you says things to drag you down –

You cannot and will not please everyone … ever … so stop trying.

How you see yourself means everything!

It’s all that really matters.





Carry on, all!






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I worked hard for approximately a year to lose weight, mainly because my health was sliding and I didn’t like the way I looked or felt.  It was hard work but now I feel good about myself.  I’m well aware of my age and am not trying to look like or be like I was at 21 years old.  Heck, I wouldn’t want to be that age again.  I enjoyed my time while I was 21, but I’ve enjoyed each and every age since and am enjoying the age I am now, which is just 2 weeks shy (exactly 2 weeks to be precise) of becoming 59 years old.  I like the way I look now.  I like the way I feel.  However, it never ceases to amaze me that there are a lot of people who choose to find negative in what someone does for themselves.

Recently, I saw some people who I haven’t seen in over a year or more.  In that time, I’ve lost 75 pounds.  I’m still working on toning up muscles but my weight has stabilized at what I wanted it to be.  About 20% of those people congratulated me on how I looked and what I’d done.  The other 80% chose to find something negative to say … either to me or behind my back where they thought I wouldn’t know.

Guess what? 

My friends will tell me what they hear so that I can handle it and carry on.

Asking me if I’m sick or telling me I have “too much” loose skin or saying I’m “scrawny” and deciding I now have a “chicken neck” is ridiculous.  There’s no need for the “put-downs”.  I quite understand what weight loss will do to an older body and that it’s much harder to get rid of extra skin after being too heavy, but finding something “wrong” when I’m healthier than I’ve been in a very long time and able to do things that very few people at the age of 58 almost 59 can do is due to either jealousy or the desire to pull down someone trying to better themselves, much like crabs in a pot do to another one trying to climb out … grab hold and pull it back in.

Guess what again? 

I have a much stronger will, self-image, and self-worth than the people who do this.  I continue to carry on.  I pity the fact that in their small lives they cannot try to better themselves and must try to destroy someone else.


If they put the amount of effort into bettering themselves that they put into denigrating someone else, they could have a pretty darn good life.

Compare the two pictures.  I think I’ve made a significant improvement.  Yes, I know I’m far from beauty queen material, but I don’t care.  I never wanted to be a beauty queen.  I just want to be true to myself and as healthy as I can be.

 March 2012

March, 2012 – 1 month before I started losing weight; dang, I don’t look healthy or happy at all


 June 2013

June 2013:  My beautiful 84-year-old mother; my gorgeous daughter, Kara; and me, 75 pounds lighter


So … to all those in this world that are tempted to be crabs in a crab pot, I’m not falling for it.  I’ll climb out no matter how hard you try to pull me back in.  That goes for whatever it is I am doing in my life.  Roy is the same way.  We’ve both been through entirely too much in life already to let someone who is small-minded to pull us backward.  We continue to move forward.  We continue to carry on.  We continue to overcome.

We carry on.

“… We carry on when our lives come undone. We carry on cuz there’s promise in the morning sun. We carry on as the dark surrenders to the dawn. We were born to overcome. We carry on. Beyond the picket fences and the oil wells, the happy endings and fairy tales, is the reality of shattered lives and broken dreams. We carry on. It’s the family that grieves for a lost loved one. It’s the soldier who won’t leave till the job is done. It’s the addict trying to turn his life around. It’s picking yourself up off the ground when you’ve been knocked down. We carry on. … We were born to overcome. We carry on.” Tim McGraw

Carry on, all …






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Papa Roy … I don’t think you have any idea how much I admire you and how much I depend on your love and how much I love you for the man you are as well as for the partner you are to me.

Everyone deserves a partner in life like you are to me.

My baby girl, as I stated a few weeks back, was recently engaged.  We had an engagement party for her yesterday to start the festivities of the next year, since she wants to get married next summer.  In any event, as any of you that have organized weddings or the like in convoluted family situations know, it can be stressful at best … making sure that everyone stays on their best behavior.

We have what they like to call in “PC terms” (my least favorite kind of term and which neither Roy nor I will ever be) a “blended family”.  What that means is that I was divorced after having 3 kids … and then re-married … which means that there’s me (the mother) … Roy (the step-father) … and an ex-husband (the father) … as well as numerous family members that may or may not all get along with each other.  (Some have difficulty being in the same room with each other … and it’s not even my ex-husband, Roy, and me that I’m referring to here, as we can all be civil and friendly, since he and I get along great now that we’re not in the same house.)

In any event, before I get too side-tracked, I am posting this particularly to Roy.

  1. I love you for always being by my side no matter what.
  2. I love you for treating my children as your own no matter what.
  3. I love you for loving my children no matter what.
  4. I love you for being a man and for showing true class no matter what.
  5. I love you for making sure that Kara can have the kind of engagement and wedding she deserves no matter what.
  6. I love you for loving Kara no matter what.
  7. I love you for loving Keegan even though you never met him in person before he died no matter what.
  8. I love you for loving Logan no matter what.
  9. I love you for being a role model for my children no matter what.
  10. I love you for being a partner and soul mate to me no matter what.
  11. I love you for being “Papa Roy” no matter what.
  12. I love you for loving me no matter what (even when I may not deserve it).

So … as we have both nicknamed the other … please bear with me as I say this out of love to Roy …

I love you, my Arrogant Son of a Bitch (I call him my “asob” … pronounced ay-sawb), and I will always be your Pain in the Ass (he calls me his “pita” … pronounced like the pocket bread) … even when it’s “Thursday Night at the Bickersons” … NO MATTER WHAT.


“I see the questions in your eyes.  I know what’s weighin’ on your mind, but you can be sure I know my part, cuz I’ll stand beside you through the years.  You’ll only cry those happy tears, and though I’ll make mistakes, I’ll never break your heart.  I swear!  By the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there.  I swear!  Like the shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there.  For better or worse, till death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart.  I swear!  I’ll give you everything I can.  I’ll build your dreams with these two hands, and we’ll hang some memories on the wall, and, when there’s silver in your hair, you won’t have to ask if I still care, cuz, as time turns the page, my love won’t age at all.  I swear!  By the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there.  I swear!  Like the shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there.  For better or worse, till death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart.  I swear!  I swear!  By the moon and the stars in the sky, I’ll be there.  I swear!  Like the shadow that’s by your side, I’ll be there.  For better or worse, till death do us part, I’ll love you with every beat of my heart.  I swear!  I swear!”  John Michael Montgomery


I love you, Roy.

I swear.


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I’ve been asked by many what drives me to do things like overcome my fear of heights or decide to take a job way out of my comfort zone that moves both Roy and me a long distance from where we lived or look in the face of evil power-hungry politicos telling them to ___ (fill in your own choice words and/or phrase there) or withstand financial, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, & medical upheaval or many of the other things I’ve done in life (for example, divorce after 25 years is not an easy row to hoe, particularly only 2 years after one of your children died).

I’ve discussed this in a variety of blogposts, but only a few fairly basic personality traits drive me in life. They are, in no particular order, since it depends on the situation at hand and the time in question:

(1) My children and my innate “mama bear” instinct

(2) My spouse & immediate family

(3) My friends

(4) My hunger to make a difference in life and not just be a “wandering generality” merely existing in life (boooooooo)

(5) My requirement to be in control of *me*

(6) My drive for success

(7) My thirst for knowledge

(8) My desire to experience life completely

(9) My general psyche

(10) My love of adventure

(11) My *need* to NOT be “normal” (Oh the *HORROR* of being considered “normal”!  Eek!)

I know I’m forgetting other traits, but it gives you an idea.

I’ve been told by many that they “couldn’t do what I do” or some other excuse why they don’t get up off their ___ (again you can fill in the blank there) and attack the situation at hand.


My answers are:

(1) Yes.  Yes, you *could* do what I do if you WANT to.

(2) I never had the choice *not* to deal with my life challenges.

(3) You never had to.

(4) When ___ (fill it in) happens … YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.

One of the things that affects my psyche and the items mentioned above that *inspire* me to do things or to feel things is music. Music drives me, as I’m sure my regular readers can tell, since quoting lyrics is standard in my writings. It inspires me. It moves me. It drives me. It can affect my mood … up *or* down. It generates memories in me that will move me to stand up, stand down, stand still, stand my ground, stand to be counted.

I love all kinds of music (for the most part anyway – although I will readily pass on rap … but that’s just me).  So when I heard this song come up on my IPOD this morning on the commuter bus on my way to work, it made me think of my deceased son, Keegan.  I do things FOR him, because that’s what he’d want.  He’d not want me to stop living just because he died.  He’d want me to live and enjoy and do and be in order to enjoy the life I *AM* given.

“They always knew they’d never grow old. Sometimes the body is weaker than the soul. In their darkest hour, I made a promise I will always keep. I’ll give them life. I’ll let them live through me. They were angels in waiting, waiting for wings to fly from this world, away from their pain, treasuring time til time came to leave, leave them behind. Sweet memories! Angels in waiting, angels in waiting for wings …”  Tammy Cochran

This song was written in memory of Miss Cochran’s two brothers who died from Cystic Fibrosis, so it’s a song that speaks to those of us that understand CF … as well as to those that lost children or siblings young.

So, Keegan, I am still living life to the fullest.  I have your class ring still hanging on a gold chain around my neck.  It’s been there ever since you gave it to me when you last went to the hospital so that I’d keep it safe for you.  It goes to all sorts of places with me so that you are there also.  It stays safe.  I promised that too.  I will always live life to the fullest for you.



Kara was just a baby and both she and Keegan were sitting in my lap while he inhaled nebulized medication to help control his Cystic Fibrosis.  She wanted to help him feel better.  They had a great relationship, just as did he and Logan.




Carry on, all … and *LIVE* life.  Don’t just exist in it.






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