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Posts Tagged ‘family’

I know I haven’t written a blogpost in a while, and I’m ok with that, because I use writing as a cathartic release for me to release feelings, frustrations, and all.  In all of it, however, if I can help someone, I’m glad, because my purpose in life is to help others get through their own grief and setbacks (of which I’ve endured many as have so many of you) as well as to rejoice in any and all accomplishments.

Anyway, I’m having a rough day today. I have four children, two sons and one daughter that I gave birth to and then my wonderful son-in-law. I love them all dearly.  I also have one grandson (so far … hint hint … to my daughter and son-in-law … 😏). He is the light of Roy’s and my lives, and he’s most DEFINITELY (at least currently) my very favoritest of favorite little faces.  My second son and middle child died many years ago (as I’ve discussed before). My first son (and oldest child) and I have a very strained relationship.  I haven’t seen him in several years, and it hurts my mother’s heart to the core.  Essentially it feels like I’ve lost both sons, and it hurts beyond belief.

Now don’t get me wrong!  I have a wonderful life (with all of its ups-and-downs), and my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson are sheer joys to Roy and me.  Nevertheless, some days are harder than others, and the weight of it all drags me into a very deep hole until I remember to count my many blessings and carry on.  Life is to be lived and not just existed in or suffered through!

Today however is one of those days where my heart is very heavy. It is my oldest son’s birthday (the one that I haven’t seen in a long time).  He’s 37.  I won’t go into all of the reasons why we haven’t seen each other, because it’s between him and me, but since I can’t see him, I then start thinking of my other son who died when he was 17 of Cystic Fibrosis and how hard we tried to keep healthy, and it hurts that I can’t see either one of them (although I know I will when I move out of this life).  When I get like this, my supportive husband, Roy, along with my wonderful daughter hold me together.  Even though Roy has had his own losses (which I won’t discuss here either since those are his personal losses to discuss or not as the case may be) and my daughter has essentially lost both brothers (since she doesn’t really see her oldest brother either), they are always there for me. I guess that’s why we are so close, because we understand each other’s brokenness.

Anyway … below are the lyrics to a very nostalgic song originally from the 1930s, but it always makes me think of my husband as well as all of my children and grandchildren … whether I can be with them or not.  So here’s to my four children … and to my one grandchild (so far 🙂 ).

 –

I’LL BE SEEING YOU

by Sammy Fain and Irving Kahal)

I’ll be seeing you

In all the old familiar places

That this heart of mine embraces

All day through –

In that small café,

The park across the way,

The children’s carousel,

The chestnut tree,

The wishing well.

I’ll be seeing you

In every lovely summer’s day.

In everything that’s light and gay,

I’ll always think of you that way.

I’ll find you in the morning sun,

And when the night is new,

I’ll be looking at the moon,

But I’ll be seeing you.

I’ll be seeing you

In every lovely summer’s day.

In everything that’s light and gay,

I’ll always think of you that way.

I’ll find you in the morning sun,

And when the night is new,

I’ll be looking at the moon,

But I’ll be seeing you.

I love you all more than you know, no matter what happens between us. ❤️

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Happy sort of Leap Day Birthday, Baby Boy!

I miss you, Keegan … every second of every day.

🎈🎂 🍦🍨🧁 🎁 🍰 🎊 🎉

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17 years

Amazing …

It’s been 17 long yet short years that my then 17 year old middle child died at dawn on May 30. He has been gone as long as he was alive.

People have come and gone, yet he lives on in the hearts, minds, and souls of many.

I will forever and always miss him. My heart will ache for 17 years times 17 years times infinity.

Keegan, your spirit lives on.

17 years

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Today would be Keegan’s “fake birthday” as he used to call it. He’s my Leap Day Baby, so there’s not a “real birthday” this year.  Since he only had those every 4 years, on the off years, he swore that his birthday was on both February 28th and March 1st.  Ok … he had that sort of personality … so I’ll go with it.  He had a particular love for Dr. Demento songs.  So while I don’t think this is included in any of the Dr. Demento collections and I know that he never heard it since he’d died before it came out, every time I hear it, I know he’d have laughed uproariously at it … and loved it.  So … my Leap Day baby boy … I dedicate the song “Banana Man” by Tally Hall to you.

I challenge you to find it on YouTube. It makes me laugh every single solitary time I hear it.

I miss you, baby boy!

Keegan Crowley Wahler

2.29.1984 to 5.30.2001

WTF

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It doesn’t matter how old someone is or how long a true “daddy” has been dead.  Today would be my father’s birthday.  I still miss him and I always will. 

I was an awkward gangly smart-mouthed little girl.  I was tall (actually … lol … I still am), skinny, red haired, fair skinned, and freckled.  I have worn glasses or contacts since I was 7 years old.  I was too smart for my own good and didn’t fit in with any particular crowd.  He always encouraged me to be who I was at my core and loved the fire in my soul.  Most definitely not everyone liked it, and it frustrated and angered him at times, but he never wanted to squelch it.  He celebrated me.  This is how he would have described me …

Nevertheless my daddy always made me feel beautiful … even when my sharp tongue got the better of me. 

I know I am incredibly blessed to have had a daddy like him.   Not everyone is so fortunate and I am sorry for that.  He taught me to be a strong lady that could handle and withstand anything life threw at me. 

Daddy, I miss you.  I always will.  Go fishing 🎣 with Grandpa and Keegan up in heaven today to celebrate 🎉 your birthday 🎂.  

❤️

Glenn B Crowley

8.25.1924

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It takes a lot more than sperm to be a father.  I was blessed to have a very amazing father in my life who is gone now.  I miss him each and every day.  Roy was blessed to have a grandfather who was an equally as amazing father to him.  I wish I’d had the pleasure of meeting him and I wish I had a picture of his grandfather to share today. 

I can still hear my daddy’s voice.  I can still smell his presence.  I miss him each and every day.  

So … since I’m a little sentimental right now … please tell whoever your father figure is/has been … even if it’s more than one person … what they mean to you.  Do it now.  You never know how much time you have.  

Happy Father’s Day to each and all of you that fit the category of father.  Standing up as a man and being a father is not for the faint of heart.  May God’s wisdom and blessings be on every one of you on Fathers Day and every day.


Glenn B Crowley 
8.25.24 – 8.28.92

I miss you, daddy … each and every single solitary day.

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There are those people in each person’s life that seem to be almost indestructible.   They endure and come out of all sorts of things and always land on their feet.  I have been blessed with long-time family friends … people that were friends of my parents before my sister and I were born … before their children were born … that were like an aunt, uncle, and cousins to me … people that we’ve been through highs and lows with and still are friends … and our children are friends.

 

I’ll back up.  My parents got married in 1949.  I believe it was a year or two after that they had gone on vacation and had met a couple to whom they took an immediate liking.   This couple they later found out was on their honeymoon when they met.  It was a constant source of a joke back and forth between them from then on.   The friendship stuck and they began a lifelong journey together.  My father and the other gentleman had both fought in World War 2 and had seen various things in battle so they had an immediate bond that comes from that “brother” relationship that military men (and women) all share.  While my father had served in the North Atlantic, the other man had served in the Pacific … and had stories of being shot down over the Pacific and having been the only survivor.  He was a true hero who had floated in the ocean for hours before being rescued.  His wife was a middle school math teacher who terrified me and who I wanted to be around all at the same time and who probably operated her classroom as a drill sergeant might, but she had a heart of gold.  She is the one that taught me how to bake my own bread (something I dearly love to do) and how to make pie crust that people still rave over.  My parents both graduated from the University of Southern California (USC).  The other couple had graduated from the University of California Los Angeles (UCLA).  For those readers that don’t know, there is a deep-seated rivalry between those schools.   There was a friendly teasing back and forth between them over which school was better.  Whenever there was a sports game between them, there would be all sorts of jokes.  It was something I enjoyed hearing.

 

My sister is the oldest of the children born to these two couples (1952).  Their daughter was the next (1953).  Their son and I were born the same year (1954).  Yes, I am that old.  Get over it.  😏

 

Growing up, I remember the card games and dinner parties they had.  They visited us around the country when we moved around.   We visited them.  We’d show up and surprise them.  We’d plan trips over Thanksgiving weekend to all enjoy together.  We played charades (drunken charades, by the way, was by far the most fun), play cards, and play in the snow.  We’d talk, fight, laugh, and enjoy ourselves like family does.  We’ve been through relocations, financial set-backs as well as financial upswings, marriages, divorces, deaths, remarriages, illnesses, joys, sorrows, and accepted all of each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  Essentially … we’ve handled life in general together with all of the normal day-to-day ups-and-downs while continuing to love one another.  

 

My father was the first to die in 1992.  My 2nd son died in 2001. Their daughter died in 2008.  Their mother died in 2013.   Their father died roughly a week ago (2016).  On our side, my mother is thankfully still with us … as are my sister and me (obviously).  On their side, their son is still strong and healthy.  Now, grandchildren and great-grandchildren have entered into the fray.   Through all of this, we are all still hanging in together … my mother, the remaining children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

 

It’s something hard to fathom … all of this from a chance meeting in the late 1940s/early 1950s of two couples that were thankful they’d survived World War 2 and had found people with whom they enjoyed spending time.   It’s hard to get used to these pillars in my life being gone.  These are those indestructible adults I grew up with throughout my childhood … that yelled at me, laughed with me, taught me, listened to me, loved me, and nurtured me … no matter what dumb thing I had done or how smart-assy I was.   They were proud of my accomplishments and there to pick me up in my failures.   So many of these wonderful people are fading away.  

Cherish those that are still in your lives.

 

Life is fleeting.

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My baby girl (my only daughter), Kara, is getting married on the 4th of July. That will be a joyous occasion and we are all truly excited about it, as we love Alex immensely! However, planning can be entertaining to say the least, and when you throw family dynamics in to the mix, it can be bizarre.

I therefore offer this … as it describes at least my side of the family to a “T”.

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http://longrunblog.com/2014/06/06/when-did-we-start-hating-big-families/

It amazes me how people think they are allowed to “advise” on family planning. I was told all of what was said in the above blogpost … AND MORE … when I had more than the “allotted” number of children that Americans are told to have. After 2 boys, I was asked whether I “was trying for a girl” with my 3rd. Ummmm … no … I’m not that stupid. I know how this works. I was told I was “selfish”. I was asked “why I wanted to possibly subject another child to having the same major medical issues as their older brother, Keegan”. I was asked what was wrong with me. I was told I should find other things to do with my time. GET A ________ GRIP, PEOPLE. I’m blessed to have been able to be a mother. I have loved every last second of the ups & downs. Here’s my answer to them all … mind your own ____ing business and worry about your own lives and stay outta mine. I promise that I’ll stay outta yours too. There. I’ve said it. I meant it.

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I work for the State of California Employment Development Department in the Unemployment Insurance Division on Capitol Mall in Sacramento, 2 blocks from the Capitol Building. I know I’ve said this before, but I am reiterating it for a reason.

I am quite well aware of what most people think of government workers and, in particular, state workers and, even more so, those of us blessed with working in Unemployment Insurance. You can’t fool me. I *know* what most of you think … that we are all lazy, stupid, overpaid, do-nothing’s, sucking off the taxpayers. (No, that would be people like BO, the current occupier of the White House, and his gang of crooks.).

Anyway!

Hold that thought close to your hearts and think about that throughout the Christmas season as you go to your parties.

Yesterday (Thursday) I worked from 7am to 6pm. I worked 7am to 5pm today (Friday). Tomorrow (Saturday) I’ll work 7am to 5pm yet again. Then on Sunday, I’ll work 9am to 4pm, just to get up on Monday and work 7am to 6pm (yes, that’s right … you read all of those hours correctly). Tuesday … Christmas Eve … I’ll work 7am to noon, taking the afternoon off, wanting to spend *some* Christmas time with my family. I have Christmas Day off since I hold that day to be a holy celebration. I’ll be at work the day after Christmas from 7am to 6pm yet again, as well as on Friday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I get Saturday off (woo) to attend my beloved daughter’s wedding shower (gee, we actually do have families and lives too). Then I get New Years Day off, when I’ll probably sleep all day, just to be back at it the day after. How many of you are willing to do that?

There may be some government workers that are lazy but there are many private industry workers that are too. My point is …. the vast majority of the government workers put their hearts and souls into what they do.

I get tired of the clichés.

Oh, hell, I just get TIRED.

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