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Posts Tagged ‘cliques’

  

“I’ve got to tell you I’ve been rackin’ my brain, hopin’ to find a way out.   I’ve had enough of this continual rain.  Changes are acomin’, no doubt.  It’s been a too long time with no peace of mind, and I’m ready for the times to get better.  …  I feel so lonesome at times.  I have a dream that I could live.   It’s burnin’ holes in my mind.”   Crystal Gayle

We all know how some days/weeks in life are better than others. Right now, I have a job I smile through gritted teeth at and bear until I can leave for the better life I work toward. 

Management is insulting to not only me but also to anyone not part of their virtual “good ol’ boy” in-club/political cronyism that gets all the job favoritism heaped on certain people that have no real ability or knowledge to actually *do* the work they are paid top dollar for, while those that actually WORK are told they aren’t “good enough”.  What it boils down to is that there are those of us that take actual PRIDE in what we produce and refuse to kiss political ass.  We refuse to play their games.   The idiotic powers-that-be don’t like that.  It’s like high school cliques and being around the “mean girls”.   I didn’t do it then.  I sure as hell won’t now.  I have entirely too much self-respect … something that is in very short supply in today’s world. 

Then there’s Roy’s job that doesn’t understand basic scheduling and caters to one person who manipulates everything to provide only good schedules to him.   Roy gets the dregs … because of management ineptitude that is too afraid to upset the apple cart and wants everything easy on them.   What they fail to understand is that not addressing the issue just causes more issues in the future, particularly since, when their “golden boy” gets into scheduling nightmares (which he is VERY prone to), they then depend on Roy to bail them out. 

So what is my point here?  My point is … I am glad to be working toward financial independence so that we don’t have to depend on the inept or the cronyism that is rampant. “Regular” jobs (whatever the hell those are) … suck … BIG TIME. 

Have a Plan B.  

  

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One of the MAIN and most important things I’ve learned in life, as has Roy, would be the following:

With all the flat-out BS we have both encountered in life, if we weren’t able to get past it, move on, and carry on in life, we’d never have found good and we’d carry around poison in our souls that would only be emanating out to those around us.  Essentially, it boils down to this:

SHIT HAPPENS.

However, the only way we’ll find something better is to look past it, let the bad go, and carry on.

We’ve always tried to find out how to fix that shit that happens.  We find out what may have gone wrong or what perhaps we did to cause something so that we can correct it and/or make amends.  We don’t hide from it.  We don’t ignore the situation.  If someone else is involved in it, we discuss it with them.  We go full force at it and then, once it’s done, WE LET IT GO.

That’s how we have been able to move forward and find the good in life and find something better for ourselves.  We’ve learned to grow up … put on our big girl or big boy pants … and move forward.

Maybe that’s part of our problem with being as independent as we are.  We can’t worry all the time about what everyone else is doing or thinking about us.  Chances are … they AREN’T … because they’re too busy worrying about what someone else thinks of them.  We don’t have that luxury.  Some days our worry is putting one foot in front of the other and making sure we’re able to do that.  When my 2nd son died, I was lucky to get out of bed in the morning.  Some days that was my whole goal … to just get up out of bed so that I could make sure my other 2 children were ok. When Roy and I went through all of our medical and financial and employment issues a few short years ago, our main goal was making sure we were there for each other and going at the problems and the issues.  When someone essentially backstabbed us during it all, we went straight at them and the issue and FIXED IT.  There are many many more that I won’t list here now.  Suffice it to say that we have had so many things happen that we can either sit in a corner and feel sorry for ourselves and try to nurse our wounds and say “oh poor me” and “woe is me” and “everyone is picking on me”, but what good would that do?

NONE.

We’re also not going to pick on and judge others for how they are.

However, if there is a “perceived issue” between us and someone else, we’ll try to find out what the challenge is.

Our opinion is this:

Get to the bottom of the problem.  Don’t lie about it.  Don’t hide from it.  Fix it if possible.  Move on if it’s not possible.  Learn from whatever happened.  Make the changes to not let it happen again.

THEN LET IT GO.

STOP DWELLING ON HOW UNFAIR EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS IN LIFE.

I guess that’s our problem though.  We don’t like to have unresolved issues.  We go straight at a problem if we think there is one.  I guess not everyone is that way.  Many people still resolve it like they did in middle school and high school.

“Hi, Mary, it’s Billy.  Susie told me that Johnny said that Sally thinks you were mean to her so none of them like you any more.”

This is pure 7th grade … through and through … which is a theme I spoke of in a prior blogpost.

Ok … so … why doesn’t SALLY tell whoever she thinks was mean to her what they did so it can be resolved?  That’s what it boils down to.  When someone is 12 years old, they aren’t always mature enough to be able to handle it well.  However, we would think that it would be something a person acquires over time (or at least tries to acquire over time) … and most definitely by the time adulthood is reached.

If Sally is unhappy … rather than telling Johnny she’s mad … and having it then go through Susie to Billy to Mary … particularly if they are all in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and/or beyond … perhaps Sally should go talk to Mary about the problem and GET IT SOLVED.  If it CAN’T be solved, then they’ll at least know WHY and what is going on, rather than guessing all the time.  If it can’t be solved, they can at least carry on with their lives and not continue to talk behind each other’s backs.  They can then find a better way for each of them.

I see this over and over and over and OVER … and not just from 12 year olds … but from older and older people who can’t seem to let go of their past and get out of the clique mentality of 7th grade … or high school.  I see it at work.  I see it in social circles.  I see it between neighbors.  I see it in political liaisons.  I see it in families.

Guess what?  When an individual learns to LET IT GO, then they can *TRULY* be considered “adult”, at least in my not-so-humble opinion.  That’s also when they can truly find a better life for themselves.  They’ll find that a better life comes along for all of them.  Maybe that “better life” will be together between them.  Maybe it won’t be.  However, carrying around that negativity will ensure that they will never find that “something better”.

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People make me laugh.  Most of them, I like.  Some of them are just so ridiculous that I don’t even know how to explain it, other than I don’t think that emotionally they ever got past being pre-teens/early teenagers, because they act like they’re in the 7th grade.

Take this week for example.  I’ve had a bear of a schedule at work, which is fine.  I can deal with it and carry on, but it means changing my schedule for going to work and coming home.  For short term projects, it’s fine, but I’ll admit that it’s hard on the body.

I’ve been getting up at 4:00 AM.  That in and of itself isn’t that big a deal as I usually get up at 4:15 AM, but it’s so that I can catch an earlier-than-normal commuter bus.  I travel from the Sierra foothills (outside of Placerville to be exact) to Sacramento to work during the week.  My schedule is 7:00 AM to 4:30 PM with every other Monday off.  Essentially, I work a “9/80” work plan, where I work 80 hours in 9 working days.  That means I get every other Monday off in a normal world.  I take a commuter bus so that I don’t have to mess with traffic.  It’s also easy and comfortable (it’s the big coaches and not the old school bus type).  The drivers are great.  Most of the riders are like me, going into work and just dealing with the odd hours.  The bus I normally take leaves at 5:30 AM and gets me to work by 6:45 AM usually, so that I can get my coffee, etc, before I start for the day at 7:00 AM.  It works great.

I’ve had a huge project that is coming to an end right now, and so for the last couple of weeks, I’ve had to work a lot of overtime.  As I said, however, for short term, it’s ok.  This means though that I must get up 15 minutes earlier and drive to a further bus station to catch a slightly earlier bus that leaves at 5:20 AM so that I can get to work by 6:30 AM.  Ok, so no big deal, I can handle that.

However, I have apparently messed with 3 of the riders on this particular different bus just by the fact of my being there as I am not one of the “regulars” on the bus.  I have gotten to the bus and parked each day, getting on with the others lined up.  The bus comes from the “Central Office” where a few people get on also.  There’s someone on the bus that seems to want to know who everyone is and what their business is.  I’ve never cared to tell each and every person I see what precisely my business is, other than in pretty general terms, unless I’m writing it down like this and in control of what I say and do.  I could tell right up front, however, that she didn’t like the fact that someone “new” was on the bus (of course, I’ve been riding these for a couple of years but whatever) and sitting in a seat that didn’t “belong” to me … as it apparently “belongs” to one of her buddies.  There must be seat assignments and boarding passes.  At least I can tell that there is seat ownership assumed here.  I guess I’m not part of the “In Crowd” or the “Popular Kids” or the “Cool Kids” or whatever term you want to use for it.

My first reaction was to ignore it.  Whatever.  My family moved a lot when I was a kid.  My father was a corporate transferee, and we lived in various places around the United States while I was growing up.  It made me very adaptable and able to fit in and/or handle most any kind of person.  So when I saw her “look”:  I knew.

I’m the “new kid” again and the “cool kids” didn’t like it.  I’ve never been one to want to just “fit into the crowd” and “play by the book” and “be in the box”.  I’ve talked about this before.  It’s amazing to me, however, that even BUS RIDERS can get into cliques like the 7th grade.  It made me laugh.

I have found over the years that generally just ignoring it and being friendly and not falling into the “clique” mentality is what works best.  They don’t like it if they think that you aren’t concerned with what they do or who they are.  I can be friendly and talk to anyone from my years of moving around.  Besides, I work for the government in a highly politicized area (unemployment insurance, to be exact) in the hub of the State Capitol.  I know how to handle political games.  I’ve gotten good at it over the years.  It will usually go one of two ways when this sort of thing happens.  It didn’t fail, but this time it went the dumber way of the two – the way that doesn’t happen as much with true “adults”, but I guess this group likes the way it was in school.

I don’t.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy having fun.  I will never truly “grow up”.  However, I’ve gotten past the pettiness of junior high school games.  It amazes me the people that haven’t.  I just don’t like the way it was in school when I was 13.

In any event, I’ve gotten on the bus the past several days and sat down in a seat that works well for me.  I’m a tall woman with long legs (5’10” to be exact) and leg room on a bus, airplane, wherever can be very painful when not enough.  That’s a different topic.  There are only a few seats on this bus that have good leg room, so I like to get on early enough to make sure that the hour ride into Sacramento isn’t uncomfortable, since I generally get on and sleep in the morning until I get to my stop.  Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t, but I don’t get all tied in knots if it doesn’t.  Life goes on.  Who cares?  I can’t get worked into knots over something as simple as that.  Anyway, I’ve been getting into that seat and putting on earphones to listen to music and dozing, which is my routine on the bus in the morning (like it is for the vast majority of people).

There’s been a lady in front of me (lady is a term I use loosely … she acts like an adolescent) that seems to like to take a bath in perfume each morning (another middle school trait).  She is also a busy-body, needing to know everyone’s name and what precisely their business is.  She acts like the bus “room mom” or “teacher’s pet”.  She hasn’t liked it that I don’t get on at 5:20 AM to “chat”.  I’m tired and I have to work right now from 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM or later.  I won’t get home until probably 7:00 PM at the EARLIEST.  I just want to doze.  I don’t get enough time at home to sleep more than about 6½ hours when I’m on this kind of schedule.  I want to DOZE.

That, apparently, was the first thing that messed with her mind.  I’m not playing by her “rules of the bus”, I guess.  I also sat in the seat right behind her.  Apparently that seat is usually used by another woman that likes to chat with her every morning.  (Refer back to “seat ownership” and “seat assignments” and “boarding passes”.)  I was totally unaware of their “bus rules” but have never felt the need to worry about that sort of thing.  Again, apparently, that messed with her mind also.  I changed the “feng shui” of the bus, I suppose.  Whatever.  I know I’m only going to be on it for this week, and then I’ll be back to my normal bus with normal people on it.

However, I guess I was too much of a rock tossed in their little pond.  Today when I got on, a man that gets on at the first stop was sitting in the seat I had used for this week.  Fine.  Whatever.  I can survive and sit elsewhere.  “Room Mom/Perfume Lady” was sitting in front of that seat, as usual, talking with him.  Whatever.  As I walked past the seats, they both looked up and giggled.

7th grade

“Giggly Man” watched me sit down; looked down the bus aisle; and saw their friend getting on the bus behind me who apparently “owns” that seat (I’ll just call her “Seat Owner”).  He then stood up and sat across the aisle from them in “his” seat saying “I just wanted to let you know that story” so she could sit in hers.  All 3 of them giggled and then looked at me.  “Room Mom” giggled again and asked, “Are you new here?”  Now … think of it this way … they are *all* in their 40s or 50s.

7th grade

I smiled at them … and didn’t say a word.  I put on my headphones and did my usual routine.  At that point, they started huffing and whispering amongst themselves.

I guess I am supposed to follow their rules of the bus better.  Hmmm.  I have to take the same bus tomorrow so I can get to work early (and leave at 6:00 PM, by the way, so it’s a very long day to have to put up with adolescent games).  I guess I am supposed to look for boarding passes and seat assignments. 

If the 3 Musketeers do it again, maybe I should sit in the seat that “Giggly Man” owns.  More than likely, I’ll just ignore them again.  That generally works the best for adolescent games, because they want to think they’ve inconvenienced you.  I don’t need to be part of the “In Crowd” nor do I need to be accepted *or* hated by them.  At that time of the morning, I just need to sleep.

Cliques and Sheeple are all over the place …

7th grade

I graduated from the 7th grade already.  Some people haven’t.

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