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Posts Tagged ‘birthday’

My oldest child is 34 today.   I wish I could see him, but he’s currently living in Texas and I’m in California.  We have … at best … a strained relationship … but no matter what … he’s my son and I will love him forever as his mother.   I wish him happiness, health, and well-being on his birthday … and pray daily for wisdom within myself to accept and understand that which I currently cannot. 

 

The picture below is of me approximately 1 – 2 weeks before he was born.  Yes, it looks like I was carrying a pumpkin under my shirt … and yes … those pants were big and baggy and oversized on me because everything else I had was just too tight.  Anyway … at 9½ lbs … he looked like a big healthy pumpkin when he was born exactly one week after Halloween too.

 

 

 
 

 

I love you, baby boy #1, no matter what.

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So another year has rolled around and it’s my birthday again.   To me, it’s simply amazing that I’m as old as I am.  I never could imagine anyone being this ancient when I was a kid … except of course for grandparents who seemed to be born old so of course they were old.  Now that I’m this old, I feel inside the same way I did when I was a kid. 

However … some days I feel young and walk by the mirror and think … “hey, she doesn’t look so bad.”  Other days, I look in the mirror and think … “oh dear GAWD who is that looking at me there?”

Anywho … on my birthday … to all those I know and care about … and to all my faithful and favorite readers, remember this;

 


 
However, my general words of so-called wisdom (at least in my mind and in my not-so-humble opinion) … particularly since one of my own children never had the option of growing old … are as follows: 

 
 

 
 

I regret nothing.  I learned from my many mistakes.  I however regret nothing.  It’s made me who I am. 

 

To my children that are still young (like me?  😏  ok … fine then … I’m young at heart anyway) and enjoying life, I offer these words of wisdom on my birthday:

 

 

  


 
 

Carry on, all … and happy birthday  #62 to me!

😱

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My middle child was born on February 29, 1984 (yes, Leap Day).  I know I’ve stated that in prior blogposts, but this year it’s particularly of import to me anyway, because he’d actually have a “real” birthday.  He was one of the select few with that special day as his birthday.  I remember it well also.  He was born by emergency C-section, but he was a beautiful full-term baby.  We didn’t know what awaited us though with his health.  As I’ve stated before, he died on May 30, 2001 from complications of Cystic Fibrosis (CF) a year after a successful double lung transplant at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA.  The fact that he had CF was a 1 in 4 chance for each child his father and I conceived.  We didn’t know that we carried that gene at the time, because it couldn’t be tested in advance then and it had never appeared in our family.  However, our beautiful 1 in 4 child was born on a day that happens only every 1 in 4 years.  Anyway, he had Cystic Fibrosis, something children that can’t pronounce it have called “65 Roses” over the years.

*~*~*

 

February 2001

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

65 Roses

The Wolverines

When I was just a small child, mama and daddy came to me.

They sat me down and told me of the flowers my sister received,

65 roses in yellow and red, made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I just couldn’t believe the flowers my sister received

Made it so hard for her to breathe.

Why does she have 65 roses,

Must be her birthday today?

She must have been good to get 65 roses!

Why can’t she come out to play?

65 roses of yellow and red made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I looked all around, but I couldn’t find

The 65 roses were on my mind.

When I’d grown up, I see that the only one thinking of roses was me,

And the reason that the 65 roses came

Was because I was too young to understand the name.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish that she could come out to play.

Life, one supposes, is no bed of roses.

I wish she had roses instead.

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses.

Cystic Fibrosis.

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

August 1993

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

This post isn’t about all of that though.  I had to mention it however, because I found the song so amazing.  Also, Cystic Fibrosis (65 roses) was part of his life.

This post, however, is mainly about how he lived his life, albeit a short one.  He experienced more and touched more than most people do by the time they die at 80, 90, or 100 years of age.  He endured more pain than most anyone I know, but he enjoyed life to the absolute fullest.  He used to tell me that he didn’t want people to forget him and that he didn’t want them to think he just existed in life but that he truly lived life.  He absolutely abhorred the term “passed away” when referring to someone that has died.

“Mom!  That’s so demeaning.  It doesn’t even sound like they really lived.  They merely existed in life, and then they passed away and through.  Maybe some people live life that way, but when I’m gone, I want people to remember that I lived and that I then died.  I didn’t just exist.  I LIVED!”

This is why this song by OneRepublic is so appropriate to dedicate to him, not only because they have it dedicated to a fan of theirs that has Cystic Fibrosis, but also because, in his own words …

 

 

I LIVED

OneRepublic

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall.

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name.

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay.

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad.

The only way you can know is give it all you have,

And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain.

Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up,

And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup!

Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain,

But until my moment comes, I’ll say:

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Oh with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

With every broken bone, I swear …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived life!

Oh I swear I lived!

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

February 2001

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

Ask his friends how he lived.  He lived it to the fullest.  Even at a camp held especially for transplant patients, he was all into the camp … and ended up with a broken bone in his ankle … but he lived … and he did it all.  He endured broken bones and a broken heart.  He experienced travelling to visit new places.  He never feared failing.  He owned every single solitary second that his God gave him, be it good or bad.  For that, he will forever be a role model and a hero to me.  If I could just be half as brave and daring as he was, I’ll know that I did life proud.

So on what would be his 8th “real birthday” … or the 32nd year since he was born … I’ll also offer this from one of Celine Dion’s hits … one of the ones that make me remember him so dearly, as he had said once that this made him think of me, how I worked to get the health care he deserved, and how he wanted to dedicate it to me.  That made me cry, because, in my mind, it better describes what he and both of his siblings did (and continue to do) for me.  I am now who I am … because all 3 of my children loved me.

 
  

 

Because You Loved Me

​​​​-as written by Diane Warren

​​​​-as sung by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me,

For all the truth that you made me see,

For all the joy you brought to my life,

For all the wrong that you made right,

For every dream you made come true,

For all the love I found in you,

I’ll be forever thankful, baby.

You’re the one who held me up,

Never let me fall.

You’re the one who saw me through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me,

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach.

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly.

You touched my hand. I could touch the sky.

I lost my faith. You gave it back to me.

You said no star was out of reach.

You stood by me and I stood tall.

I had your love.

I had it all.

I’m grateful for each day you gave me.

Maybe I don’t know that much,

But I know this much is true:

I was blessed, because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me,

The tender wind that carried me,

A light in the dark, shining your love into my life.

You’ve been my inspiration.

Through the lies, you were the truth.

My world is a better place because of you.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach,

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

*~*~*

 

 

*~*~*

 

Happy birthday, Keegan!  I love you forever and always!

 

 

 

 

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Happy 27th birthday 🎂 to our “baby girl”, Kara Crowley Wahler Buntjer!  It’s hard for your mama to believe it has been that long since the above picture was taken. 

By the way … Big Papa Roy and I love you dearly!   ❤️

  

  
  
  

Alex, we love you because of who you are as an awesome man and because you make our baby girl happy!  You’re the best son-in-law ever … and most certainly our MOSTEST FAVORITE of all. 😉 

  
 

Have a marvelous birthday 🎁 celebration 🎉 and bring in 2016 ⏳ in style. 

🎆🍾💥💥🍾🎆

   

 

  

😘❤️

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My oldest son is 33 today.  He was born at 5:15 am (Pacific Time) on 11.7.1982.  (See the picture above?  That’s me 33 years ago when I was bringing him home from the hospital.).  I’m not quite sure how he could possibly BE that age, since, when I think about how old I feel, I don’t feel like I could have a child that age, but since he was born when I was 28, I suppose that I can’t deny it. When I walk past the mirror and look at the reflection staring back at me, I understand my age, but, truthfully, how I feel within is no different than when I was 23 … 33 … 43 … 53 … and so on.  My mother used to tell me the same thing, but I never really understood it until I got older.   I understand now, Mom.
 

 

Anyway, my oldest son and I have … hmmm … how do I describe it … ok let’s try this: a difficult relationship.  I won’t go into it any further than that.  I’ll just state that I love him without question and unconditionally, because he is my son.  I am constantly amazed by the things he knows and can do, but I don’t always understand his life view.  That’s ok though.  I don’t have to understand, as it is HIS life to live and HIS view to have.  I wish him health and happiness on this birthday of his and his journey in life, and I know that he wishes me the same.

  

He can make me crazy at times and so angry that I say and do things I shouldn’t … and then in the next breath, he can make me laugh till I have tears running down my face.  No matter what, however, I love him.  I started his journey with him, and I did what I thought was best when raising him, even if I made mistakes along the road (which we all of course do).  I know that he is also doing his best at living his own life … and that’s all anyone can do.

 

Happy birthday, Logan!  Roy and I love you. 

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“… she comes out of the sun in a silk dress running like a watercolor in the rain.  Don’t bother asking for explanation.  She’ll just tell you she came from the Year of the Cat.  She doesn’t give you time for questions as she locks up your arm in hers, and you follow till your sense of which direction completely disappears.  …  These days, she says, I feel my life just like a river running through.  The Year of the Cat.”

YEAR OF THE CAT; Al Stewart

 

It’s my birthday today (July 22, 2015).  I look at my age and wonder how I got to be this old … but then I have enjoyed every single one of the years and would never take a “do-over” as my kids used to want to do with games.  The age I am theoretically … at least chronologically … seems unreal, because I certainly don’t feel like I have always thought someone this age is supposed to feel.  However, I then think of everything that I have seen, done, endured, and enjoyed … and quite honestly, it’s amazing that so much has occurred in such a short time frame too.  (Some of it amazes me that I survived to live another day … but that’s a whole different issue and discussion.)

 

I have always made the best of every situation that I’m in … and I always will … and I will play the cards I’m dealt in life … enjoy the game while I’m in … and never ever EVER fold … just like my daddy raised me to do.

 

… so yes … my life is just like a river running through … and with my love of my cats … I probably did come from the Year of the Cat …

 

 

“Years go falling in the fading light.  Time passages.  …  Well, I’m not the kind to live in the past.  The years run too short, and the days too fast.”

TIME PASSAGES; Al Stewart

 

 

 

 

Happy birthday to me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Keegan

I wish I could know what you’d be like now.  I think about it a lot when I can sense your spirit nearby.  I wonder what you’d be doing now as your 31st birthday rolls through. 
It’s amazing to me that it’s been almost 14 years since you died.  I still have in my mind that crazy teenager with the larger than life personality, a fiery temper, and a heart of gold … the boy who couldn’t be quiet, even when I told you I’d pay you $10 if you lasted 10 minutes.  (You couldn’t.)  
I lost part of my heart and a chunk of my soul when you died.  I know I’ll see you again.  I know I was blessed to have you in my life as long as I did.  I also know I miss you still. 
So for your upcoming birthday weekend, I offer this because you were and are blessed … as am I for being allowed to be considered your mother, when, in reality, you blessed me more by being part of my life, if only for a short 17 years, than I feel I did yours. 
BLESSED
Elton John

Hey you, you’re a child in my head.
You haven’t walked yet.
Your first words have yet to be said,
But I swear you’ll be blessed.

I know you’re still just a dream.
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I’ve ever seen.
Anyway, you’ll be blessed,
And you, you’ll be blessed.

You’ll have the best.
I promise you that.
I’ll pick a star from the sky.
Pull your name from a hat.
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You’ll be blessed.

I need you before I’m too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you’re blessed


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