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Posts Tagged ‘birthday’

So another year has rolled around and it’s my birthday again.   To me, it’s simply amazing that I’m as old as I am.  I never could imagine anyone being this ancient when I was a kid … except of course for grandparents who seemed to be born old so of course they were old.  Now that I’m this old, I feel inside the same way I did when I was a kid. 

However … some days I feel young and walk by the mirror and think … “hey, she doesn’t look so bad.”  Other days, I look in the mirror and think … “oh dear GAWD who is that looking at me there?”

Anywho … on my birthday … to all those I know and care about … and to all my faithful and favorite readers, remember this;

 


 
However, my general words of so-called wisdom (at least in my mind and in my not-so-humble opinion) … particularly since one of my own children never had the option of growing old … are as follows: 

 
 

 
 

I regret nothing.  I learned from my many mistakes.  I however regret nothing.  It’s made me who I am. 

 

To my children that are still young (like me?  😏  ok … fine then … I’m young at heart anyway) and enjoying life, I offer these words of wisdom on my birthday:

 

 

  


 
 

Carry on, all … and happy birthday  #62 to me!

😱

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My middle child was born on February 29, 1984 (yes, Leap Day).  I know I’ve stated that in prior blogposts, but this year it’s particularly of import to me anyway, because he’d actually have a “real” birthday.  He was one of the select few with that special day as his birthday.  I remember it well also.  He was born by emergency C-section, but he was a beautiful full-term baby.  We didn’t know what awaited us though with his health.  As I’ve stated before, he died on May 30, 2001 from complications of Cystic Fibrosis (CF) a year after a successful double lung transplant at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA.  The fact that he had CF was a 1 in 4 chance for each child his father and I conceived.  We didn’t know that we carried that gene at the time, because it couldn’t be tested in advance then and it had never appeared in our family.  However, our beautiful 1 in 4 child was born on a day that happens only every 1 in 4 years.  Anyway, he had Cystic Fibrosis, something children that can’t pronounce it have called “65 Roses” over the years.

*~*~*

 

February 2001

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

65 Roses

The Wolverines

When I was just a small child, mama and daddy came to me.

They sat me down and told me of the flowers my sister received,

65 roses in yellow and red, made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I just couldn’t believe the flowers my sister received

Made it so hard for her to breathe.

Why does she have 65 roses,

Must be her birthday today?

She must have been good to get 65 roses!

Why can’t she come out to play?

65 roses of yellow and red made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

I looked all around, but I couldn’t find

The 65 roses were on my mind.

When I’d grown up, I see that the only one thinking of roses was me,

And the reason that the 65 roses came

Was because I was too young to understand the name.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis made her so tired she had to stay in bed.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses!

Cystic Fibrosis!

I wish that she could come out to play.

Life, one supposes, is no bed of roses.

I wish she had roses instead.

I wish she had roses instead.

65 roses.

Cystic Fibrosis.

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

August 1993

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

This post isn’t about all of that though.  I had to mention it however, because I found the song so amazing.  Also, Cystic Fibrosis (65 roses) was part of his life.

This post, however, is mainly about how he lived his life, albeit a short one.  He experienced more and touched more than most people do by the time they die at 80, 90, or 100 years of age.  He endured more pain than most anyone I know, but he enjoyed life to the absolute fullest.  He used to tell me that he didn’t want people to forget him and that he didn’t want them to think he just existed in life but that he truly lived life.  He absolutely abhorred the term “passed away” when referring to someone that has died.

“Mom!  That’s so demeaning.  It doesn’t even sound like they really lived.  They merely existed in life, and then they passed away and through.  Maybe some people live life that way, but when I’m gone, I want people to remember that I lived and that I then died.  I didn’t just exist.  I LIVED!”

This is why this song by OneRepublic is so appropriate to dedicate to him, not only because they have it dedicated to a fan of theirs that has Cystic Fibrosis, but also because, in his own words …

 

 

I LIVED

OneRepublic

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall.

Hope when the water rises, you built a wall.

Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name.

Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay.

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad.

The only way you can know is give it all you have,

And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain.

Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up,

And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup!

Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain,

But until my moment comes, I’ll say:

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived!

Oh with every broken bone, I swear I lived.

With every broken bone, I swear …

I did it all!

I did it all!

I owned every second that this world could give!

I saw so many places, the things that I did!

With every broken bone, I swear I lived life!

Oh I swear I lived!

 

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

 

February 2001

 

 

*~*~*

 

 

Ask his friends how he lived.  He lived it to the fullest.  Even at a camp held especially for transplant patients, he was all into the camp … and ended up with a broken bone in his ankle … but he lived … and he did it all.  He endured broken bones and a broken heart.  He experienced travelling to visit new places.  He never feared failing.  He owned every single solitary second that his God gave him, be it good or bad.  For that, he will forever be a role model and a hero to me.  If I could just be half as brave and daring as he was, I’ll know that I did life proud.

So on what would be his 8th “real birthday” … or the 32nd year since he was born … I’ll also offer this from one of Celine Dion’s hits … one of the ones that make me remember him so dearly, as he had said once that this made him think of me, how I worked to get the health care he deserved, and how he wanted to dedicate it to me.  That made me cry, because, in my mind, it better describes what he and both of his siblings did (and continue to do) for me.  I am now who I am … because all 3 of my children loved me.

 
  

 

Because You Loved Me

​​​​-as written by Diane Warren

​​​​-as sung by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me,

For all the truth that you made me see,

For all the joy you brought to my life,

For all the wrong that you made right,

For every dream you made come true,

For all the love I found in you,

I’ll be forever thankful, baby.

You’re the one who held me up,

Never let me fall.

You’re the one who saw me through it all.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me,

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach.

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly.

You touched my hand. I could touch the sky.

I lost my faith. You gave it back to me.

You said no star was out of reach.

You stood by me and I stood tall.

I had your love.

I had it all.

I’m grateful for each day you gave me.

Maybe I don’t know that much,

But I know this much is true:

I was blessed, because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me,

The tender wind that carried me,

A light in the dark, shining your love into my life.

You’ve been my inspiration.

Through the lies, you were the truth.

My world is a better place because of you.

You were my strength when I was weak.

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak.

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see.

You saw the best there was in me.

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach,

You gave me faith ‘cuz you believed.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

I’m everything I am,

Because you loved me.

*~*~*

 

 

*~*~*

 

Happy birthday, Keegan!  I love you forever and always!

 

 

 

 

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Happy 27th birthday 🎂 to our “baby girl”, Kara Crowley Wahler Buntjer!  It’s hard for your mama to believe it has been that long since the above picture was taken. 

By the way … Big Papa Roy and I love you dearly!   ❤️

  

  
  
  

Alex, we love you because of who you are as an awesome man and because you make our baby girl happy!  You’re the best son-in-law ever … and most certainly our MOSTEST FAVORITE of all. 😉 

  
 

Have a marvelous birthday 🎁 celebration 🎉 and bring in 2016 ⏳ in style. 

🎆🍾💥💥🍾🎆

   

 

  

😘❤️

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My oldest son is 33 today.  He was born at 5:15 am (Pacific Time) on 11.7.1982.  (See the picture above?  That’s me 33 years ago when I was bringing him home from the hospital.).  I’m not quite sure how he could possibly BE that age, since, when I think about how old I feel, I don’t feel like I could have a child that age, but since he was born when I was 28, I suppose that I can’t deny it. When I walk past the mirror and look at the reflection staring back at me, I understand my age, but, truthfully, how I feel within is no different than when I was 23 … 33 … 43 … 53 … and so on.  My mother used to tell me the same thing, but I never really understood it until I got older.   I understand now, Mom.
 

 

Anyway, my oldest son and I have … hmmm … how do I describe it … ok let’s try this: a difficult relationship.  I won’t go into it any further than that.  I’ll just state that I love him without question and unconditionally, because he is my son.  I am constantly amazed by the things he knows and can do, but I don’t always understand his life view.  That’s ok though.  I don’t have to understand, as it is HIS life to live and HIS view to have.  I wish him health and happiness on this birthday of his and his journey in life, and I know that he wishes me the same.

  

He can make me crazy at times and so angry that I say and do things I shouldn’t … and then in the next breath, he can make me laugh till I have tears running down my face.  No matter what, however, I love him.  I started his journey with him, and I did what I thought was best when raising him, even if I made mistakes along the road (which we all of course do).  I know that he is also doing his best at living his own life … and that’s all anyone can do.

 

Happy birthday, Logan!  Roy and I love you. 

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“… she comes out of the sun in a silk dress running like a watercolor in the rain.  Don’t bother asking for explanation.  She’ll just tell you she came from the Year of the Cat.  She doesn’t give you time for questions as she locks up your arm in hers, and you follow till your sense of which direction completely disappears.  …  These days, she says, I feel my life just like a river running through.  The Year of the Cat.”

YEAR OF THE CAT; Al Stewart

 

It’s my birthday today (July 22, 2015).  I look at my age and wonder how I got to be this old … but then I have enjoyed every single one of the years and would never take a “do-over” as my kids used to want to do with games.  The age I am theoretically … at least chronologically … seems unreal, because I certainly don’t feel like I have always thought someone this age is supposed to feel.  However, I then think of everything that I have seen, done, endured, and enjoyed … and quite honestly, it’s amazing that so much has occurred in such a short time frame too.  (Some of it amazes me that I survived to live another day … but that’s a whole different issue and discussion.)

 

I have always made the best of every situation that I’m in … and I always will … and I will play the cards I’m dealt in life … enjoy the game while I’m in … and never ever EVER fold … just like my daddy raised me to do.

 

… so yes … my life is just like a river running through … and with my love of my cats … I probably did come from the Year of the Cat …

 

 

“Years go falling in the fading light.  Time passages.  …  Well, I’m not the kind to live in the past.  The years run too short, and the days too fast.”

TIME PASSAGES; Al Stewart

 

 

 

 

Happy birthday to me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Keegan

I wish I could know what you’d be like now.  I think about it a lot when I can sense your spirit nearby.  I wonder what you’d be doing now as your 31st birthday rolls through. 
It’s amazing to me that it’s been almost 14 years since you died.  I still have in my mind that crazy teenager with the larger than life personality, a fiery temper, and a heart of gold … the boy who couldn’t be quiet, even when I told you I’d pay you $10 if you lasted 10 minutes.  (You couldn’t.)  
I lost part of my heart and a chunk of my soul when you died.  I know I’ll see you again.  I know I was blessed to have you in my life as long as I did.  I also know I miss you still. 
So for your upcoming birthday weekend, I offer this because you were and are blessed … as am I for being allowed to be considered your mother, when, in reality, you blessed me more by being part of my life, if only for a short 17 years, than I feel I did yours. 
BLESSED
Elton John

Hey you, you’re a child in my head.
You haven’t walked yet.
Your first words have yet to be said,
But I swear you’ll be blessed.

I know you’re still just a dream.
Your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I’ve ever seen.
Anyway, you’ll be blessed,
And you, you’ll be blessed.

You’ll have the best.
I promise you that.
I’ll pick a star from the sky.
Pull your name from a hat.
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You’ll be blessed.

I need you before I’m too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you’re blessed


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My baby girl turned 26 today. She got married this past July to her wonderful Alex. For someone who writes and edits other writers for a living, it’ll be amazing to others (just as it is to me) that I have no good words to describe how proud of BOTH of them that Roy and I are.

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She’s done well for herself. Considering all she’s been through in her young life and considering how she was underestimated in elementary, middle, and high school by teachers and administrators, all I have to say to them is “I told you so.” I’m proud that I taught her to fight for herself and to never be a victim of any circumstances … no matter what they are.

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Kara, Papa Roy and I … your renegade Placerville mama and step-papa … love you dearly. We are beyond proud of you and are honored to be part of your life. We are there for both you and Alex … NO MATTER WHAT.

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… and Baby Girl?

I’m proud we can be adult friends.

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I love you, Bug.

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Roy, we have now known each other for well over 10 years. I still am amazed (and amused) by how we met and how we got together. People tell us it was “coincidence”, but, as we both know, there is no such thing as “coincidence”. The Hand of God was definitely in it, with a Higher Power in control.

 

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There are times we both are “unlovable” … but we continue to love each other in spite of our shortcomings.

 

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There are times that we know that God and our “guardian angels” have a major sense of humor for the things we’ve encountered. Driving each other as well as anyone around us crazy … well, isn’t that part of the fun in life?

 

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There are things we’ve been through that would have shaken most people to the core. We continue on in spite of it all.

 

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ANYWHO!!!

This was supposed to be originally posted on your birthday on 7.6.14 … but I couldn’t pull it together this year for either your birthday OR my birthday.

 

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Nevertheless, after all you have done for me … as well as for all three of my children, whether they are here physically or in spirit … and for the wedding of Kara and Alex (our newest son) … and for working with me to build businesses of our own … and for loving me even when I wasn’t sure I loved myself …

 

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU (exactly one month late but whatever)!!!!!!

 

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I JUST CALL YOU ‘MINE’

Martina McBride

 

I pinch myself

Sometimes to make sure I’m not in a dream.

That’s how it seems.

I close my eyes

And breathe in the sweetest moments I’ve ever known.

It feels like home,

And here I am.

I want to be your everything!

There you are,

Turning winter into spring,

And everyone that sees you

Always wants to know you,

And everyone that knows you

Always has a smile.

You’re a standing ovation

After years of waiting

For a chance to finally shine.

Everyone calls you “Amazing”.

Yeah,

I just call you “Mine”.

I fall apart

And just a word from you somehow seems to fix

Whatever’s wrong.

Oh,

You reach into

The weakest moments and remind me that I’m strong.

You gotta know

I’d be a fool

Not to see or, even worse, to forget

That you’re more than I deserve,

‘Cuz everyone that sees you

Always wants to know you,

And everyone that knows you

Always has a smile.

You’re a standing ovation

After years of waiting

For a chance to finally shine.

Everyone calls you “Amazing”.

I just call you “Mine”.

Nothing makes sense when you’re not here,

As if my whole world disappears.

Without you what’s the point of it,

‘Cuz everyone that sees you

Always wants to know you,

And everyone that knows you

Always has a smile.

You’re the dream that I’ve been chasing

After years of waiting

For a chance to finally shine.

Everyone calls you “Amazing”.

I just call you

MINE!

 

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As The Beatles sang: “… can’t buy me love, money can’t buy me love”.

You’ve given it to me freely. I give mine in return.

 

 

 

Carry on, all!

🙂

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This post is not meant to whine or complain. It’s just to state a fact. When it seems that I’ll have a guardian angel allow something great to happen, something else happens and my guardian angel is off duty … or something … so maybe it’s a little bit of whining … so yes, I’ll have some cheese with that.

 

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Now don’t get me wrong. I’m quite well aware that my life and what I do with the things that happen are my choice … to a certain extent anyway. At least it’s my choice to handle what happens in the manner that I choose to handle it. I’ve had my share of “what the hell happened there” moments in life … but I think we all have. I just choose to keep getting up and swinging back at whatever knocked me down. I never quit. I always choose an optimistic outlook on life. Overall I choose to accept what is and carry on … but there are times that I just need some of that cheese to go with my whine.

 

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On July 22, I turned 60 years old. That’s surreal in my brain. I don’t feel 60 … but then again I don’t know what age I feel, so I guess this is what 60 feels like. All I know is I don’t mind the age I am, so there you have it.

Anyway!!! I wanted to do a big bash birthday party for this year (60 is a big milestone, doncha think?), because I never really had one growing up and through the years. I moved a lot when I was a kid, so I was either in the process of moving between school years or I had just arrived so I didn’t know anyone or with my birthday in the summer, everyone was gone on vacation so parties were small. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be this year either, however, because I just didn’t get myself organized for one and the day came and went fairly innocuously, particularly since it was theoretically a day I had to work, but I ended up sick and at home. It doesn’t really matter though. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen … or not as the case may be.

Life goes on. It’s simply a day like any other day … but it’s something in my brain anyway. However … I couldn’t even get it together to write something to actually post on my birthday.

Again … life goes on. I am always willing to celebrate my birthday on my own … with Roy’s help as always … which is what we did.

🙂

 

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I guess there’s no real point to this blogpost … at least in the opinion of the “average person”, but since I’ve never claimed to be “average”, I carry on as is. Therefore … since the only recent picture I have of myself is one Roy took of me at a recent business banquet 4 days after my birthday (I generally am not one that gets caught on camera.  Whether it’s on purpose by me avoiding it or whatever other reason there might be by whoever is taking pictures, it’s actually rather odd, since I can’t say that I have ever been one to blend in and not be noticed … with the fact that I’m tall … red-haired … green-eyed … fair-skinned … freckled … and very outspoken), I’ll use it as my 60th birthday “portrait” if you will (it was taken on an iPhone … LOL) … and say …

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY TO ME … PRECISELY 2 WEEKS LATE!

 

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I’ll end with this … since it’s a song I always have liked, corny as it may be. It fits me … and doesn’t … all at the same time.

 

“It’s not easy being green,
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it could be nicer being red or yellow or gold or something more colorful like that.
It’s not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things,
And people pass you over, ‘cause you’re not standing out like flashy sparkles or stars in the sky,
But green’s the color of spring,
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like a mountain or important like a river or tall like a tree.
When green is all there is to be,
It could make you wonder why,
But why wonder?
Why wonder?
I’m green and it’ll do fine.
It’s beautiful and I think it’s what I want to be.”
Jim Henson

 

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So with that … I post this picture of my favorite red-striped frog that lives in the plants on my front deck at home.
I can relate to this little guy.

Like this frog … I’ll never just blend in and be green … no matter how many people wish I would.

Carry on, all!!!!!!

🙂

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                It’s a bizarre feeling, really.  Today would be, nominally, the birthday of my 2nd son, Keegan (at least legally).  He was born on February 29, 1984, Leap Day.  I was 29 years old and turned 30 the following July.  Keegan died in 2001 at the age of 17, almost 13 years ago.  Today would be his 30th birthday.  It seems odd to me.  I was almost 30 when he was born.  He would be 30 now, but in my brain, he is forever 17, since that is how old he was when he died.  I only had him with me for 17 years, but he stamped a major impression on my heart from the get-go, and it won’t ever fade.

*~*~*

                Keegan, I miss you.  Everyone who knew you or has heard of you misses you.  I know your spirit is around, but I miss talking with you, laughing with you, seeing you, hugging you, hearing you.  I continue to celebrate your life as you wished.  Tonight Roy and I went out to dinner for your February 28th birthday.  At midnight, we will release balloons to you, since that is the instant of your birthday.  On your March 1st birthday, I’m scheduled to be in Tahoe with your sister, Kara; your soon-to-be brother-in-law, Alex; your sister’s best friend and Maid-of-Honor-To-Be, Katrina; and your step-father, Roy.  Two of them never met you in this life … but they know you.  We have made sure of it, just as you have.  Hopefully, we will all be cake-tasting for Kara and Alex’s upcoming 4th of July wedding, knowing how much you’d have loved doing the same thing.  We’ll be going out to dinner after while up in Tahoe.  We’ll drink a toast to you and laugh and miss you still.  This is all assuming the weather holds and it’s not snowing over Echo Summit of course.  Be nice to us, Baby Boy … we want good weather!  LOL

                Happy birthday, 2nd Baby Boy and my most favorite middle child!

*~*~*

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