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Posts Tagged ‘Alex’

I know I don’t write as often as some do, but I write when it is good for me or when I need to get something out as it can be very cathartic. At least that’s the purpose of my blog … to help me and to hopefully help someone else who runs into the same types of issues.

With my children, I’ve had highs and lows, great successes and great losses. Sometimes certain occasions and occurrences can evoke those up-and-down feelings in me. Right now is one of those times.

Roy (Papa) and I (Oma) had the great joy of being blessed with our first grandchild (Harrison) on 12.21.18. It’s a humbling feeling, quite honestly to view the next generation.

I have a true sense of joy from this, but I cannot help but wish that my late son, Keegan, could be there as his baby sister, Kara, becomes a first-time mama to Harrison. I can’t help but cry over the loss of a beloved uncle that would have loved this baby boy to pieces, spoiled him rotten, and taken him on crazy adventures.

I know that I am truly blessed … and my heart is overflowing … as are my emotions. Harrison and Keegan are loved beyond words, and this Oma/Mama is honored to be a part of their lives.

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I thank God for allowing me to be blessed with three amazing children I gave birth to and one equally as amazing son-in-law.  I am not sure who has learned more from the experience of being there as you all have moved through life, me or you, but I’m blessed to be considered your mother/mother-in-law.  Even with 3 of you now as adults and 1 of you waiting in heaven for me, you are all miracles in your own right. 

Happy Mama’s Day from your Mama!  I love you all more than words can express.  💕 

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My baby girl turned 26 today. She got married this past July to her wonderful Alex. For someone who writes and edits other writers for a living, it’ll be amazing to others (just as it is to me) that I have no good words to describe how proud of BOTH of them that Roy and I are.

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She’s done well for herself. Considering all she’s been through in her young life and considering how she was underestimated in elementary, middle, and high school by teachers and administrators, all I have to say to them is “I told you so.” I’m proud that I taught her to fight for herself and to never be a victim of any circumstances … no matter what they are.

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Kara, Papa Roy and I … your renegade Placerville mama and step-papa … love you dearly. We are beyond proud of you and are honored to be part of your life. We are there for both you and Alex … NO MATTER WHAT.

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… and Baby Girl?

I’m proud we can be adult friends.

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I love you, Bug.

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On this Christmas Eve, 2014, 13½ years since you died, I miss you as much if not more than ever. I wish you were here to help your brother. I wish you were here to see how wonderfully your baby sister is doing. I wish you could have met your sister’s husband, Alex. You’d have hit it off well with him, I’m quite sure. I wish you were here to have met Roy. You’d have both teased and harassed each other mercilessly. I wish you were here to have enjoyed Placerville like I do. I wish you were here to have gone to college like you wanted to do. I wish you were here to have had your own life work and calling, your own children if you so chose, your own life. I wish you were here to see that I have done ok with myself.

I miss you, Keegan. Whoever said “time heals” was wrong. Perhaps it gets different but it never truly heals. I’ve said before that it’s like losing an arm or a leg. Part of me is missing. I have learned to get by without it, but I’m still without and I still want it as part of who I am and it still gives me pain that it’s not there.

I’m just writing this to tell you as you watch me and visit me spiritually (and I can sense you around), that I still love you with all of my heart. You are forever one of my babies and forever in my heart. I was blessed to have you in my life physically for the 17 years I did. I just wish it were longer.

This year I will be enjoying a “Christmas Buffet” with friends at Smith Flat House. You’d have liked where we are going and with whom we will be. I know you will visit Roy and me in spirit as we both sense you around often already and you will also travel to visit your brother and your sister and her wonderful husband where they are on this Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I wish we could all be together, but life goes on and changes with time. Celebrate in Heaven! We’ll all be with you again in the future.

Each and every person that knows you … whether they knew you in this life physically or just spiritually or both … misses you.

Merry Christmas, Keegan.

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Growing up, I was never sure I wanted to be a mother. Let me say this as my baby girl is getting married … as my oldest is one of the groomsmen … as my middle deceased son will only be there in spirit … as I welcome a new son into my heart … as all their best friends and siblings stand up with them, filling my heart … I will do anything in my power to protect them. This mama bear remains on duty. It’s the best (and hardest) job that I’ve ever had.

http://www.scarymommy.com/sorry-for-staring/

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My baby girl (my only daughter), Kara, is getting married on the 4th of July. That will be a joyous occasion and we are all truly excited about it, as we love Alex immensely! However, planning can be entertaining to say the least, and when you throw family dynamics in to the mix, it can be bizarre.

I therefore offer this … as it describes at least my side of the family to a “T”.

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                It’s a bizarre feeling, really.  Today would be, nominally, the birthday of my 2nd son, Keegan (at least legally).  He was born on February 29, 1984, Leap Day.  I was 29 years old and turned 30 the following July.  Keegan died in 2001 at the age of 17, almost 13 years ago.  Today would be his 30th birthday.  It seems odd to me.  I was almost 30 when he was born.  He would be 30 now, but in my brain, he is forever 17, since that is how old he was when he died.  I only had him with me for 17 years, but he stamped a major impression on my heart from the get-go, and it won’t ever fade.

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                Keegan, I miss you.  Everyone who knew you or has heard of you misses you.  I know your spirit is around, but I miss talking with you, laughing with you, seeing you, hugging you, hearing you.  I continue to celebrate your life as you wished.  Tonight Roy and I went out to dinner for your February 28th birthday.  At midnight, we will release balloons to you, since that is the instant of your birthday.  On your March 1st birthday, I’m scheduled to be in Tahoe with your sister, Kara; your soon-to-be brother-in-law, Alex; your sister’s best friend and Maid-of-Honor-To-Be, Katrina; and your step-father, Roy.  Two of them never met you in this life … but they know you.  We have made sure of it, just as you have.  Hopefully, we will all be cake-tasting for Kara and Alex’s upcoming 4th of July wedding, knowing how much you’d have loved doing the same thing.  We’ll be going out to dinner after while up in Tahoe.  We’ll drink a toast to you and laugh and miss you still.  This is all assuming the weather holds and it’s not snowing over Echo Summit of course.  Be nice to us, Baby Boy … we want good weather!  LOL

                Happy birthday, 2nd Baby Boy and my most favorite middle child!

*~*~*

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