Archive for June, 2014

Growing up, I was never sure I wanted to be a mother. Let me say this as my baby girl is getting married … as my oldest is one of the groomsmen … as my middle deceased son will only be there in spirit … as I welcome a new son into my heart … as all their best friends and siblings stand up with them, filling my heart … I will do anything in my power to protect them. This mama bear remains on duty. It’s the best (and hardest) job that I’ve ever had.



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My baby girl (my only daughter), Kara, is getting married on the 4th of July. That will be a joyous occasion and we are all truly excited about it, as we love Alex immensely! However, planning can be entertaining to say the least, and when you throw family dynamics in to the mix, it can be bizarre.

I therefore offer this … as it describes at least my side of the family to a “T”.

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Deer always look so sweet and gentle. Overall, they are (or are they?), and I’d never hurt one purposefully. However, if it comes down to either a deer or me, guess what? I’ll go down fighting.  I guess more to the point, they are just plain hazardous to drivers.

I live in the mountains out in the boonies where a lot of wildlife live. It’s awesome.  I love it. I know that I am in their natural habitat so I try to remember that when I’m out and about.

However, as I was driving to the commuter bus this morning, a very large buck decided he wanted to play chicken with the cars driving down the road. There was “traffic” today … which isn’t the kind of traffic I used to encounter when I lived in the very overcrowded San Francisco Bay Area in the past. It means that there were 4 cars on the back road to Highway 50 … 2 headed one way & 2 headed the other. I was in front on our side. The car behind was a good distance behind me but close enough to know it was there.  

Now, I drive a relatively small car. My goal is to get a new larger heavier one fairly soon. It hasn’t been top of my list, because I’ve had numerous financial goals to handle, which have been more pressing, but they are almost all done (yay). In the meantime, however, I deal with a small car, which isn’t good in the snow and ice in the winter and/or against the “critters” that run free around us. Small cars are not safe overall in the mountains. As soon as I can now, the goal to get a larger vehicle has moved up on my list.

Like I said, I enjoy the animals around us. We see coyote, deer, mountain lions, eagles, bear on occasion, jackrabbits, and so on. We make sure our dog and two cats are in at night so that they don’t become some other animal’s breakfast, and we generally live in harmony. I much prefer the wildlife over the 2-legged critters that roam the cities at night.

I digress (as usual).

This morning, a very large buck decided he wanted to wait until all 4 cars converged on one area … an area not really prone to having deer … and make a wild run across the road between the front car on the other side of the road and me. He started on the opposite side of the road, which means I was on the side that he passed last … which also means that I got to hear his hooves striking the asphalt … and I got to see how many points were on his antlers (4) … and I got to see the markings on his back … and I got to see the whites of his eyes … and he got to see the color of my car (silver) … and he got to see the color of my hair (copper red) … and he got to see the whites of my eyes … and he got to hear the scream that came out of my mouth.

I felt the car shimmy from the disturbance in the air he created as he passed in front of the car. He probably felt the car on the tips of his fur. I missed him by that much. I didn’t swerve … that would always be more dangerous than driving straight, because you never know which way he might turn, although when I did see him, I hit the brakes slightly, or I would have plowed right into him and probably would have been terribly hurt … not even counting that my car would have been destroyed (but the latter of those things is the least of my concerns, quite honestly). At least the car behind me was far enough back to slam on his brakes too.

My nerves were shot. I shook the entire rest of the way to the bus stop when I parked. I sat there until my breathing returned to normal. My life … it flashed before my eyes.

So … with that … I want to tell Roy … Kara … Alex … Logan … my mother … my sister … my extended family and friends … and all those close to me that have died … that I love them dearly and to never forget that I love them … NO MATTER WHAT … (even if I’m angry or sad or grumpy or whatever for some reason or another) … because there are times in life when you just don’t know what is going to happen.

Remember … life is tenuous at best.




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It amazes me how people think they are allowed to “advise” on family planning. I was told all of what was said in the above blogpost … AND MORE … when I had more than the “allotted” number of children that Americans are told to have. After 2 boys, I was asked whether I “was trying for a girl” with my 3rd. Ummmm … no … I’m not that stupid. I know how this works. I was told I was “selfish”. I was asked “why I wanted to possibly subject another child to having the same major medical issues as their older brother, Keegan”. I was asked what was wrong with me. I was told I should find other things to do with my time. GET A ________ GRIP, PEOPLE. I’m blessed to have been able to be a mother. I have loved every last second of the ups & downs. Here’s my answer to them all … mind your own ____ing business and worry about your own lives and stay outta mine. I promise that I’ll stay outta yours too. There. I’ve said it. I meant it.


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